Virus Jokes / Recent Jokes
How do you know that you're a computer geek?
You catch a computer virus and take a virus scanning pill every week.
You have just received the "Kentucky Virus"!!! As we ain't got no programin' experience, this here Virus works on the honor system. Please delete all the files on your hard drive, and manually forward this virus to everyone on your mailing list. Thanks for your cooperation.
FOOT-AND-MOUTH BELIEVED TO BE FIRST VIRUS UNABLE TO SPREAD THROUGH MICROSOFT OUTLOOK
Researchers Shocked to Finally Find Virus That Email App Doesn't Like
Atlanta, Ga. (SatireWire.com) - Scientists at the Centers for Disease Control and Symantec's AntiVirus Research Center today confirmed that foot-and-mouth disease cannot be spread by Microsoft's Outlook email application, believed to be the first time the program has ever failed to propagate a major virus.
''Frankly, we've never heard of a virus that couldn't spread through Microsoft Outlook, so our findings were, to say the least, unexpected,'' said Clive Sarnow, director of the CDC's infectious disease unit.
The study was immediately hailed by British officials, who said it will save millions of pounds and thousands of man hours. ''Up until now we have, quite naturally, assumed that both foot-and-mouth and mad cow were spread by Microsoft Outlook,'' said Nick Brown, Britain's Agriculture Minister.
''By more...
Y2K Solution:' Millenium Year Application Software System' (MYASS)
We are currently building a data center that will contain all firm data that is Year 2000 compliant. The program is referred to as:' Millenium Year Application Software System' (MYASS). Next Monday at 9:00 am there will be a meeting in which I will show MYASS to everyone. We will continue to hold demonstrations throughout the month so that all employees will have an opportunity to get a good look at MYASS. As for the status of implementation of the program, I have not addressed the networking aspects, so currently only one person at a time can use MYASS. This restriction will be removed after MYASS expands. Several people are using the program already and have come to depend on it.
Just this morning, I walked into a subordinate's office and was not surprised to find that he had his nose buried in MYASS.
I've noticed that some of the less technical personnel are somewhat afraid of MYASS. more...
ALLEN GINSBURG VIRUS - Seemed to come from nowhere. Extremely virulent, yet ineffectual. Attempts to invade all file systems of worldwide media organizations at once. Generates copious, conflicting press reports via an advanced randomly-parsing syntax generator developed by California hackers. Frequently found to have infiltrated expensive Washington restaurants.
Anita Hill Virus - Lies dormant for ten years.
BARBARA BUSH VIRUS - One of the ugliest viruses we’ve seen in years, but
seems to have a nice disposition and does little damage.
Billy Graham Virus - When you save a file, it prints, “I am saved! ” to the screen.
Chicago Cubs Virus - Your PC makes frequent mistakes and comes in last in the reviews, but you still love it!
COLIN POWELL VIRUS - Makes its presence known, but doesn’t do anything. Secretly, you wish it would.
DAN QUAYLE VIRUS v 1. 0 - Thers sumthin rong wit yur kompueter, butt ewe jsut cant figyour out watt.
Dan Quayle more...
Lorena Bobbit virus:
Turns your hard disk into a 3.5 inch floppy
Tim Allen virus:
Appears helpful, only to destroy your hard drive upon contact
Woody Allen virus:
Bypasses the motherboard and turns on a daughter card
Saddam Hussein virus:
Won't let you into any of your programs
Tonya Harding virus:
Turns your .BAT files into lethal weapons
George Michael virus:
Runs its course, occasionally releasing excess data buildup
Joey Buttafuoco virus:
Only attacks minor files. Bypasses the motherboard and turns on a daughter card
Whats the difference between Windows 95 and a virus? A virus does something.