Visiting Jokes / Recent Jokes

An Arab diplomat visiting the US for the first time was being wined and dined by the State Department. The Grand Emir was unused to the salt in American foods (french fries, cheeses,
salami, anchovies etc.) and was constantly sending his manservant
Abdul to fetch him a glass of water.Time and again, Abdul would scamper off and return with a glass of water, but then came the time when he returned empty-handed."Abdul, you son of an ugly camel, where is my water?" demanded the Grand Emir."A thousand pardons, O Illustrious One," stammered the poor Abdul, "but this time there is a man sitting on the well."

This is supposedly a true story from a recent Defence Science Lectures
Series, as related by the head of the Australian DSTO's Land
Operations/Simulation division.
They've been working on some really nifty virtual reality simulators, the
case in point being to incorporate Armed Reconnaissance Helicopters into
exercises (from the data fusion point of view). Most of the people they
employ on this sort of thing are ex- (or future) computer game programmers.
Anyway, as part of the reality parameters, they include things like trees
and animals. For the Australian simulation they included kangaroos. In
particular, they had to model kangaroo movements and reactions to
helicopters (since hordes of disturbed kangaroos might well give away a
helicopter's position).
Being good programmers, they just stole some code (which was originally used
to model infantry detachments reactions under the same stimuli), and changed
the mapped icon, the more...

I was once with a tour group visiting the UK. As we filed past the immigration officer (at Heathrow), each one showed his passport, was asked why (s)he was visiting ["Well sir, I'm with this group that is visiting your lovely. .."], and got a one-week tourist visa stamp.

When it was my turn, I said I was going to topple the oppressive government and the entire class system, teach everyone to cook like the French, and free the masses from their servitude, but since I didn't want to stay and experience the ensuing chaos, I might as well get a tourist visa too.

He said, "Normally I'd tell you such a job is rather a large undertaking, and stamp you for two weeks, but I suspect you're kidding," and gave me the same as the rest.

Corruption has become an integral part of our life. A gentleman, after giving matrimonial advertisement for the proposed marriage of his daughter, went on to visit four applicants for better match-making. The first one he visited was a young lad working as a clerk in the Customs department. His parents told the visiting guest that their boy drew a salary of Rs. 1600 per month and an additional income of Rs. 2000 from' above'. The other boy visited was a clerk working in Excise and Taxation department. The boy got Rs. 1650 as salary and Rs. 2500 per month from' above'.
A similar explanation came from a boy's parents who was working as a clerk in B & R department: "Rs. 1600 as salary and Rs. 2000 from' above'." Last came the turn of an Army sepoy. "The boy is in the Army and gets Rs. 1500 as salary per month plus ration and leave travel free," was the reply of his parents. "What about the income from "above"?" the visiting guest asked. more...

Seems the Shah of Iran was visiting Disneyland with his young son. The son seemed to be having a good time but had that look that something else was on his mind. The Shah asked, "What do you really want, Son?" The Son said, "A Mickey Mouse Outfit." With that, the Shaw went out and bought him a uniform from the neighboring Fire Department.