Visiting Jokes / Recent Jokes

One of England's fastest bowlers was taking a quiet stroll in a little village when he came upon a game of cricket. This being in the age before TV, cricketers were not always recognised by face.

The visiting team was one player short and invited the great man not knowing who he was. The home team was batting first. Soon it became evident that the umpires were more than slightly in favour of the batsmen, when several appeals for catches behing the wicket and leg-before were turned down.

The visiting captain, in desperation, and having used all his bowlers turned to our friend. The Test cricketer, Harold Larwood, marked out a short run-up and came in and bowled his first delivery. The batsman was plumb in front and was about to move.

"Howzzaat!" cried the visitors. But the umpire just shook his head in denial.

Lol, a little miffed, came in again, and there was a loud noise to be heard as the batsman nicked to the keeper. But, once more...

A Texan is visiting Australia for the first time; He sees a sheep and starts laughing; he says to his Australian guide " oh, at home in Texas, sheep are twice as big!" He then sees a cow ands bursts " Puff, in Texas, our cows are much, much bigger!" And suddenly, he sees a kangaroo and asks, "What's that?" the guide answers " oh, that's just a grasshopper..."

A young boy was visiting his grandfather's farm whenone day he walks out behind the barn and sees hisgrandfather playing with himself.The boy says, "What are you doing grandpa, jacking off?"Grandpa replies, "No sonny, just jacking!"

A young man visiting a dude ranch wanted to be macho, so he went out walking with one of the hired hands.
As they were walking through the barnyard, the visitor attempted to start a conversation, "Say, look at that big bunch of cows."
The hired hand replied, "Not 'bunch', but 'herd'."
"Heard what?"
"Herd of cows."
"Of course, I've heard of cows... there's a big bunch of 'em right over there."

While the pope was visiting the USA, he told the driver of his limo that he has the sudden urge to drive. The driver was a good Catholic man, and would not ever dream of questioning the pope's authority. So the pope sat at the wheel, while his driver got in the back.

They were traveling down the road doing between 70 and 80 mph, when a policeman happened to see them. As he pulled them over, he called in to headquarters reporting a speeding limo, with a VIP inside it.

The chief asked: "Who is in the limo, the mayor?"
The policeman told him: "No, someone more important than the mayor."

Then the chief asked "Is it the governor?"
The policeman answered: "No, someone more important than the governor."

The chief finally asked: "Is it the President?"
The policeman answered: "No, someone even more important than the President."

This made the chief very angry and he more...

An Arab diplomat visiting the U. S. for the first time was being wined and dined by the State Department. The Grand Emir was unused to the salt in American foods (french fries, cheeses, salami, anchovies etc.) and was constantly sending his manservant Abdul to fetch him a glass of water. Time and again, Abdul would scamper off and return with a glass of water, but then came the time when he returned empty-handed. Abdul, you son of an ugly camel, where is my water? demanded the Grand Emir. A thousand pardons, O Illustrious One, stammered the wretched Abdul, white man sit on well.

No Great LossBill Clinton is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a "tragedy." One little boy stands up and offers that, "If my best friend who lives next door is playing in the street when a car came by and killed him, that would be a tragedy.""No," Clinton says, "That would be an ACCIDENT."A girl raises her hand. "If a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone inside...that would be a tragedy.""I`m afraid not," explains Clinton. "That is what we would call a GREAT LOSS."The room is silent; none of the other children dare volunteer."What?" asks Clinton, "Isn`t there anyone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"Finally a boy in the back raises his hand. In a timid voice, he says: "If an airplane carrying Bill and Hillary Clinton was blown up by a bomb, *that* would be a more...