Visiting Jokes / Recent Jokes
US Attorney General John Ashcroft was visiting an elementary school. After fifteen minutes speaking he says:' I will now answer anyquestions you have.' Bobby stands up and says:' I have four questions': 1. How did Bush win the election with fewer votes than Gore? 2. Why haven't you caught Osama bin Laden? 3. Why are you using the American Patriot Act to limit civil liberties? 4. Where are the weapons of mass destruction in Iraq? Just then the bell goes and the kids rushed out to play. Upon returning, Mr Ashcroft said: "I am sorry we were interrupted. I will answer any questions you have.' A little girl called Julie stands upand says:' I have six questions': 1. How did Bush win the election with fewer votes than Gore? 2. Why haven't you caught Osama bin Laden? 3. Why are you using the American Patriot Act to limit civil liberties? 4. Where are the weapons of mass destruction in Iraq? 5. Why did the bell ring twenty minutes early? 6. Where is Bobby?
Seems the Shah of Iran was visiting Disneyland with his young son. The son seemed to be having a good timebut had that look that something else was on his mind. The Shah asked, "What do you really want, Son?" TheSon said, "A Mickey Mouse Outfit." With that, the Shaw went out and bought him a uniform from theneighboring Fire Department.
A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home. Ibn the den was a stuffed lion. The visiting hunter asked, "when did you bag him?" The host said, "that was three years ago, when I went hunting with my wife." "What's he stuffed with," asked the visiting hunter. "My wife."
A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home. In the den was a stuffed lion.
The visiting hunter asked, "When did you bag him?"
The host said, "That was three years ago, when I went hunting with my wife."
"What's he stuffed with?" asked the visiting hunter, and the host said, "My wife."
Two tribes were visiting each other. The men were in council and the leader of one tribe, wishing to make conversation said, "I did not sleep well, last night." At this he put his hands to his head and gestured like horns. "A horned owl kept me awake." He said.At that the elders of the other tribes arose and came over to shake his hand. The man looked at his companion in surprise. "What did I say?"His friend said. "Well, I'm not sure, but I think you just gave away a beef!"
Bill Clinton is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a "tragedy". One little boy stands up and offers "If my best friend who lives next door was playing in the street when a car came along and killed him, that would be a tragedy.""No," Clinton says, "That would be an ACCIDENT."A girl raises her hand. "If a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved... that would be a tragedy.""Im afraid not," explains Clinton. "That is what we would call a GREAT LOSS."The room is silent; none of the other children volunteer. "What?" asks Clinton, "Isnt there any one here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"Finally, a boy in the back raises his hand. In a timid voice, he says: "If an airplane carrying Bill & Hillary Clinton were blown up by a bomb, T HAT would be tragedy." "Wonderful!" Clinton beams. more...
MacAndrews was visiting his Irish cousin, O'Bannon. While there he decided to do a bit of fishing. As he sat there on afternoon, his cousin walked by. "What are ye doing?" asked O'Bannon. "Fishin'," said MacAndrews. "Caught anything?" "Ach, nae a bite," "What are ye usin' fer bait?" "Worms" "Let me see it," said O'Bannon. MacAndrews lifted the line from the water and handed it to his cousin. O'Bannon took out his flask of potcheen and dipped the worm in it. He handed it back to MacAndrews, who cast his line once more. As soon as the worm hit the water, his rod bent over double, the line screaming out. "Have ye got a bite?" asked O'Bannon. "No!" shouted MacAndrews, fighting with the rod, "The worm's got a salmon by the throat!"