Visitor Jokes / Recent Jokes

When NASA opened the first restaurant on the moon, one visitor complained to another, "Y'know, this place has great fooH and terrific service, but there's one thing wrong with it."
"What's that?"
The visitor replied, "No atmosphere."

An American manufacturer is showing his machine factory to a potential customer from Albania. At noon, when the lunch whistle blows, two thousand men and women immediately stop work and leave the building. "Your workers, they're escaping!" cries the visitor. "You've got to stop them." "Don't worry, they'll be back," says the American. And indeed, at exactly one o'clock the whistle blows again, and all the workers return from their break. When the tour is over, the manufacturer turns to his guest and says, "Well, now, which of these machines would you like to order?" "Forget the machines," says the visitor. "How much do you want for that whistle?"

A man who was going away for some time enjoined his son: "If anyone asks for me, you can tell him that your father has been called away to attend to a minor matter and be sure to ask him in for a cup of tea." Afraid that his idiotic son might forget his instructions, he wrote them down upon a slip of paper and gave it to his son, who tucked it into his sleeve and took it out to look at every now and then. Three days passed without anyone coming to see his father. Thinking that he had no more use for that slip of paper, the boy committed it to the flames. On the fourth day, however, an unexpected visitor dropped in. "Where is your father?" asked the visitor. The boy immediately put his hand into his sleeve and fished around for the slip of paper. As he could not find it, he ejaculated: "No More." Taken aback, the visitor asked: "No more? When did it happen?" "Burnt last night."

The hospital visitor
Moishe was in hospital recovering from an operation when a nun walked into his room.
She said she was there to cheer up the sick.
They started talking and she soon asked about his life. Moishe talks about his wife, Freda and his 11 children.
“Well, well” the nun says, “11 children, a good and proper Catholic family. I’m sure that G-d is very, very proud of you.”
“I’m sorry”, says Moishe, “I’m not Catholic, I’m Jewish.”
“Jewish!”, she screams, “You’re a sex maniac.” Answer to #262 puzzle is: (nothing)

Visitor: Wow, you have a lot of flies buzzing round your horses and cows. Do you ever shoo them? Cowboy: No we just let them go barefoot.

This guy is walking through Chinatown. He is fascinated with all the Chinese Restaurants, the Chinese shops, the Chinese signs and banners on the buildings. He is having the best time just walking and looking. He turns a corner and sees a building with a sign "Hans Olaffsen's Laundry"." Hans Olaffsen?", he thinks. "How in the world does that fit in here?". So, he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman sitting in the corner.. The visitor asks, "How in the world did this place get a name like Hans Olaffsen's Laundry?". The old man answers "Is name of owner." The visitor asks "Well, who in the heck is the owner?". "I am he", answers the old man. "You? How in the heck did you ever get a name like Hans Olaffsen?" The old man replies, "Many years ago when I come to this country, I was standing in line at Documentation Center. Man in front of me was big blonde Swede. Lady look at him and go more...

Visitor: You're very quiet, Jennifer. Jennifer: Well, my mum gave me a dollar not to say anything about your red nose.