Visitor Jokes / Recent Jokes

An American manufacturer is showing his machine factory to a potential customer from Albania. At noon, when the lunch whistle blows, two thousand men and women immediately stop work and leave the building.
"Your workers, they're escaping!" cries the visitor. "You've got to stop them."
"Don't worry, they'll be back," says the American. And indeed, at exactly one o'clock the whistle blows again, and all the workers return from their break.
When the tour is over, the manufacturer turns to his guest and says, "Well, now, which of these machines would you like to order?"
"Forget the machines," says the visitor. "How much do you want for that whistle?"

An American manufacturer is showing his machine factory to a potential customer from Albania. At noon, when the lunch whistle blows, two thousand men and women immediately stop work and leave the building."Your workers, they're escaping!" cries the visitor. "You've got to stop them.""Don't worry, they'll be back," says the American. And indeed, at exactly one o'clock the whistle blows again, and all the workers return from their break.When the tour is over, the manufacturer turns to his guest and says, "Well, now, which of these machines would you like to order?""Forget the machines," says the visitor. "How much do you want for that whistle?"

This guy walks into a small town bar and orders a drink from the bartender. The bartender delivers his drink and shouts out to the bar patrons “46!! ” Everyone starts to laugh- Again he shouts out “39!! ” Now the patrons are getting even louder in laughing- Lastly, he shouts “14!! ” Now, people are wiping tears from their eyes from all the laughing. The visitor is curious, so he asks the bartender “What is going on? ” The bartender says “This is a small town, with small impressionable children, and so we had decided to put numbers to our naughty jokes rather than tell them in full” The visitor is astounded “Let me try!! ” he says- So he shouts “46!! ” Nothing happens “39!! ” Still nothing. “14!! ” and yet still not a sound from the patrons. The visitor says to the bartender “I don’t understand. I used exactly the same numbers you did and got a completely opposite response. The bartender replied, “Well, some folks can tell a joke……. and more...

It was visitor's day at the lunatic asylum. All the inmates were standing in the courtyard and singing "Ave Maria," and singing it beautifully. Oddly, each of them was holding a red apple in one hand and tapping it rhythmically with a pencil.
A visitor listened in wonderment to the performance and then approached the choir. "I am a retired choir director," he said. "This is one of the best choirs I have ever heard."
"Yes, I'm very proud of them," said the conductor.
"You should take them on tour," said the visitor. "What are they called?"
"Surely that's obvious," replied the conductor. "They are the 'Moron Tapanapple Choir'."

Visitor: And how old are you, Raj?
Raj: Nine.
Visitor: And what are you going to be?
Raj: Ten.

A visitor to Texas once asked,' 'Does it ever rain out here?''' 'Yes, it does,'' replied the rancher.' 'Do you remember that part in the Bible when it rained for 40 days and 40 nights?''

''Yes, I'm familiar with Noah's flood,'' the visitor said.

''Well,'' said the rancher,' 'we got two and a half inches during that spell.''

A Soviet visitor to Budapest says to his Hungarian host, "You must have such
terrible shortages." The astonished Hungarian asks why he thinks so. The
Soviet visitor replies, "Because you have no queues!"
From Suddenly, The American Idea at Home and Abroad, George F. Will,
1990, The Free Press, New York.