Visitor Jokes / Recent Jokes

When a visitor to a small town in Georgia came upon a wild dog attacking a young boy, he quickly grabbed the animal and throttled it with his two hands. A reporter saw the incident, congratulated the man and told him the headline the following day would read, "Valiant Local Man Saves Child by Killing Vicious Animal." The hero told the journalist that he wasn't from that town. "Well, then," the reporter said, "the headline will probably say,' Georgia Man Saves Child by Killing Dog'." "Actually," the man said, "I'm from Connecticut." "In that case," the reporter said in a huff, "the headline should read,' Yankee Kills Family Pet'."

A visitor to New York rushed from the airport into a waiting taxi, trying to keep dry in the heavy downpour."Can you think of anything worse," mumbled the visitor, "than raining cats and dogs in New York?""Sure," said the cab driver. "Hailing taxis!"

A Visitor To A Mental Institution Was Amazed To Notice That One Of The Patients Spoke Quite Intelligently. This Caused Him To
Ask As To Why He Was There. "It's Because I Prefer Shoes To Boots,"Said The Patient. "But Many People Prefer Shoes To
Boots,"Said The Visitor."I Do Myself". "Really!"Replied The Patient,"How Do You Like Them- Fried Or Boiled?

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the director, "What is the criterion that defines a patient to be institutionalized?"

"Well..." said the director, "we fill up a bathtub, and we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask him to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would choose the bucket as it is larger than the spoon or the teacup."

"Noooooooo!" answered the director. "A normal person would pull the plug."

(You are not required to tell anyone how you would have done on this test.)

"What happened?" asked the hospital visitor of the heavily bandaged man sitting up in bed." Well, I went down to Margate at the weekend and decided to take a ride on the roller coaster. As we came up to the top of the highest loop, I noticed a little sign by the side of the track. I triedto read it but it was very small and I couldn't make it out. I was so curious that I decided to go round again, but we went by so quickly that I couldn't see what the sign said. By now, I was determined to read that sign so I went round a third time. As we reached the top, I stood up in the car to get a better view." "And did you manage to see what the sign said this time?" asked the visitor." Yes." "What did it say?" "Don't stand up in the car!"

"What happened?" asked the hospital visitor of the heavily bandaged man sitting up in bed.

"Well, I went down to Margate at the weekend and decided to take a ride on the roller coaster. As we came up to the top of the highest loop, I noticed a little sign by the side of the track. I tried to read it but it was very small and I couldn't make it out. I was so curious that I decided to go round again, but we went by so quickly that I couldn't see what the sign said. By now, I was determined to read that sign so I went round a third time. As we reached the top, I stood up in the car to get a better view."

"And did you manage to see what the sign said this time?" asked the visitor.

"Yes."

"What did it say?"

"Don't stand up in the car!"

This guy is walking through Chinatown and sees a building with asign "Hans Olaffsen's Laundry." "Hans Olaffsen?", he thinks. "How inthe world does that fit in here?" So, he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman sittingin the corner. The visitor asks, "How in the world did this placeget a name like Hans Olaffsen's Laundry?" The old man answers "Is name of owner." The visitor asks "Well, who is the owner?" "I am he," answers the old man." You? How did you ever get a name like Hans Olaffsen?" The old man replies, "Many years ago when I come to this country, Iwas standing in line at Documentation Center. Man in front of mewas big blonde Swede. Lady look at him and go, "What your name?" Hesay, " Hans Olaffsen." She look at me say, "What your name?" I say,"Sam Ting."