Vote Jokes / Recent Jokes

BREAKING NEWS: GOD OVERRULES SUPREME COURT VERDICT Bush to be smitten later today In a stunning development this morning, God invoked the "one nation, under God" clause of the Pledge of Allegiance to overrule the Supreme Court`s decision that handed the White House to George Bush. "I`m not sure where the Supreme Court gets off," God said this morning on a rare Today Show appearance, "but I`m sure as hell not going to lie back and let Bush get away with this bullshit." "I`ve watched analysts argue for weeks now that the exact vote count in Florida `will never be known.` Well, I`m God and I DO know exactly who voted for whom. Let`s cut to the chase: Gore won Florida by exactly 20, 219 votes." Shocking political analysts and pundits, God`s unexpected verdict overrules the official Electoral College tally and awards Florida to Al Gore, giving him a 289-246 victory. The Bush campaign is analyzing God`s Word for possible grounds for appeal. more...

Clinton and Gore: They have what it takes to take what you`ve got!

"Carter is no longer the worst U. S. President"

"I am Clinton of Borg. Your incomes will be assimilated."

Thank you, Bill Clinton, for costing me my job. I will repay you in 1996.

Hey Hillary! Shut-up and redecorate!

My other car was cancelled by the Clinton Tax Bill.

It`s the spending stupid!

If Clinton was the answer, it must have been a real stupid question!

Clinton in 1996--NOT!!

I`m not Fonda Clinton

Rodhamhood: She steals from everyone to give to the government.

Bill Clinton is living proof why stupid people shouldn`t vote.

Voter: "The joke`s over, bring back Bush."

Chrysler Corporation is adding a new car to its line to honor Bill Clinton. The Dodge Draft will begin production in Canada this year.

When Clinton was asked what he more...

This past Election Day, as usual, I didn’t vote. Voting isn’t a system that works. The majority of people are idiots, and in voting, the majority of people are right. Politicians learn early on that they have to lie, make false promises, and hide their real agendas to get the majority of voters, who don’t know what they are talking about, to vote them into office. I don’t really blame them, as that is the position they are put in to succeed. It just makes it impossible to tell who’s corrupt, and who’s trying to help. They all have to lie to some extent. If the good one’s don’t lie, they’ll lose to the bad one’s who do because people are voting based on campaign promises that sound good. If a politician stood there and was realistic with everyone about what they think could be done, he wouldn’t sound very exciting. When have we had a candidate that came anywhere close to delivering what they promised in their campaign? Has that ever happened? Take Obama for more...

Doctor Seuss's take on the 2004 election:
Can we count them with our nose? Can we count them with our toes? Should we count them with a band? Should we count them all by hand?
If I do not like the count, I will simply throw them out. I will not let this vote count stand. I do not like them, AL GORE I am!
Can we change these numbers here? Can we change them, calm my fears? What do you mean, Dubya has won? This is not fair, this is not fun.
Let's count them upside down this time. Let's count until the state is mine. I will not let this vote count stand. I do not like it, AL GORE I am!
I'm really ticked, I'm in a snit. You have not heard the last of it. I'll count the ballots one by one. And hold each one up to the sun.
I'll count, recount, and count some more. You'll grow to hate this little chore. But I will not, cannot let this vote count stand. I do not like it, Al Gore I am!
I won't leave office, I'm stayin' here. I've glued my desk chair to my rear. more...

Top George Bush Slogans

I'll turn capital punishment into a new game show!

I promise to get cocaine off our streets: 1 kilo at a time.

I'll finish what Bill started -- the interns.

Like father, like son. You liked my dad, right?

Vote for the GOP, Not OPP.

I promise no sex scandal: just look at me.

New penal plan: I won't use mine!

Read my lips: Al Gore Sucks.

George W. Bush: No hang-ups. Just hangovers

Vote for Bush and against Common Sense.

10. "Vote For Me Or I'll Come To Your Home And Explain My 191-Page Economic Plan To You In Excruciating Detail"

9. "Remember, America: I Gave You The Internet, And I Can Take It Away. Think About It"

8. "Your Vote Automatically Enters You In Drawing For The 123 Billion-Dollar Budget Surplus"

7. "With Lieberman On The Ticket, You Get All Kinds Of Fun New Days off"

6. "We Know When The Microphone Is On"

5. "Vote For Me, And I Will Take Whatever Steps Necessary To Outlaw The Term,' Whazzzup!'"

4. "Gore/Lieberman -- You Don't Have To Worry About Pork Barrel Politics"

3. "You'll Thank Us In Four Years When The Escalator To The Moon Is Finished"

2. "If I Can Handle Letterman, I Can Handle Saddam Hussein"

1. "I'll Be Twice As Cool As That President Guy On' The West Wing'

It is once again time to vote for-the Darwin Award nominees for 1997. As you may already know, the Darwin Awards are for those nominees who will not be contributing to the gene pool (thankfully). The 1997 nominees are: NOMINEE No. 1: [San Jose Mercury News] An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriend's windshield, accidentally shot himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut. NOMINEE No. 2 [Kalamazoo Gazette] James Burns, 34, of Alamo, Mich., was killed in March as he was trying to repair what. police described as a "farm-type truck." Burns got a friend to drive the truck on a highway while Bums hung underneath so that he could asthe source of a troubling noise. Burns' clothes caught on something, however, and the other man found Burns "wrapped in the drive shaft." NOMINEE No. 3 [Hickory Daily Record] Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in December in Newton, N. C., when, awakening to more...