"The Clinton one-liners" joke

Clinton and Gore: They have what it takes to take what you`ve got!

"Carter is no longer the worst U. S. President"

"I am Clinton of Borg. Your incomes will be assimilated."

Thank you, Bill Clinton, for costing me my job. I will repay you in 1996.

Hey Hillary! Shut-up and redecorate!

My other car was cancelled by the Clinton Tax Bill.

It`s the spending stupid!

If Clinton was the answer, it must have been a real stupid question!

Clinton in 1996--NOT!!

I`m not Fonda Clinton

Rodhamhood: She steals from everyone to give to the government.

Bill Clinton is living proof why stupid people shouldn`t vote.

Voter: "The joke`s over, bring back Bush."

Chrysler Corporation is adding a new car to its line to honor Bill Clinton. The Dodge Draft will begin production in Canada this year.

When Clinton was asked what he thought about foreign affairs, he replied, "I don`t know. I never had one."

If you came across Bill Clinton struggling in a raging river and you had a choice between rescuing him or getting a Pulitzer prize-winning photograph, what shutter speed would you use?

Chelsea asked her dad, "Do all fairy tales begin with once upon a time...?" Bill Clinton replied, "No. Some begin with `After I`m elected...`"

President Clinton will be starring in his own TV show next season. It`s called "Welcome Back Carter".

Did you hear it took three secret service agents to hold Hillary`s hand down during the swearing-in ceremony?

If the Clinton`s divorce before 1996, who will get the house?

When Clinton was asked about Roe vs. Wade, he replied "I think the Haitians had better row because it is too far to wade."

Clinton`s mother prayed fervently that Bill would grow up and be president. So far, half of her prayer has been answered.

The money clip of the 90`s will be a penny stuck in a paper clip.

Bill Clinton`s 11th Commandment: Thou shalt not commit thyself!

Bill Clinton has been mistakenly characterized as a "yes man" when he is really a "yes ma`am."

The problem with a government-run trust fund is that there is too little of either.

Clinton should be proud. He has done more in six months than Jimmy Carter in four years.

Isn`t putting Bill Clinton in charge of a trust fund as insane as putting in a draft-dodger as Commander in Chief?

Clinton only lacks three things to become one of America`s finest leaders: Integrity, vision, and wisdom.

Asked about his views on euthanasia, Clinton replied, "Youth in Asia are just like kids everywhere else."

Diapers and congressmen need to be changed frequently for much the same reason.

Clinton is doing the work of 3 men: Larry, Curly, and Moe.

If 50% of adults are illiterate, how come Bill only got 43% of the vote?

The good news about Clinton`s health care is that everyone will be covered. The bad news is that it will be with dirt.

If character is not an issue, why isn`t Ted Kennedy president?

Clinton floated a strike on baseball`s opening day but most of his pitches are high and to the left.

If Clinton wanted legislation to burn down the Capitol building, Republicans in the Senate would introduce a compromise bill to burn it down over three years.

Food stamps are rationed so what makes you think government-run health care won`t be?

No one can call Clinton a cheap taxpayer. Look at how much he is costing the taxpayers.

When Bill`s Congress passes a law, it`s a joke... but when Hillary tells a joke, it` the law.

Ever since he met JFK, Clinton wanted to be president in the worst possible way... now he`s succeeding beyond his wildest dreams.

Oxymoron of 1994: Whitewater Development.

Have you heard about the new Bill Clinton doll? You pull the string and it never tells the same story twice!

A George Bush watch has no hands and says "read my lips."
A Ross Perot watch only runs sometimes.
A Clinton watch has two faces and neither one works.

One thing`s sure about Clinton--he sure doesn`t neglect domestic affairs.

Bob Kerrey, when asked about Bill Clinton dodging the draft: "Do I care if he evaded the draft? Well, a part of me does." [Mr. Kerrey lost a leg in Vietnam]

Bill Clinton. The perfect thing if pro wrestling is too complicated for you.

A 200 dollar hair cut? What kind of example does that set? With hair like Clinton`s, two hundred bucks isn`t enough to make it look right.

"Death, Taxes, and Democrats will always be with us, at least Death never gets any worse"

Why doesn`t Clinton have the courage to call his plan what it r