Fund Jokes

A buddhist monk walks up to a hot dog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything."
A clergyman at the Pearly Gates "A Builder, a clergyman and a politician sttod outside the Pearly Gates, waiting for admission.
"I'm sorry, gentlement," Saint Peter said, "but the gates are broken."
The builder took a look at the gate, then offered to repair them for ten dollars.
"Why ten dollars?" Saint Peter asked.
"Five dollars for my labor, five dollars for the material," the builder explained.
"What about you" Saint Peter asked the Clergyman. "Can you fix them?"
"Yes, for thirty dollars. Ten for the orphans' fund, ten for the church's building fund, and ten for the poor box."
"And you, can you fix them?" Saint Peter asked the politician.
"Of course," the politician replied. "But I'll need $110."
"A hundred ten more...

There was a man who computed his taxes for 1997 and found that he owed $3407. He packaged up his payment and included this letter:Dear IRS:
Enclosed is my 1997 Tax Return & payment. Please take note of the attached article from the USA Today newspaper. In the article, you will see that the Pentagon is paying $171.50 for hammers and NASA has paid $600.00 for a toilet seat.Please find enclosed four toilet seats (value $2400) and six hammers (value $1029).This brings my total payment to $3429.00. Please note the overpayment of $22.00 and apply it to the 'Presidential Election Fund', as noted on my return. Might I suggest you the send the above mentioned fund a '1.5 inch screw'. (See attached article - HUD paid $22.00 for a 1.5 inch Phillips Head Screw.)It has been a pleasure to pay my tax bill this year, and I look forward to paying it again next year. I just saw an article about the Pentagon and 'screwdrivers'.Sincerely, I. Getscrewed Everyear

I understand Clinton is gonna try a new tactic with fund raising in an effort to comply with the law. You know how we have all these events for charity - walk for this or run for that, etc.
Well, they're planning on holding a 10 K run, but for campaign funds. Already a lot of the biggest contributors want to know if their butlers may run for them.

Attn: IRS

Enclosed is my 1999 tax return & payment.

Please take note of the attached article from USA Today newspaper. In the article, you will see that the Pentagon is paying $171.50 for hammers and NASA has paid $600.00 for a toilet seat.

Please find enclosed four toilet seats (value $2400) and six hammers (value $1029). This brings my total payment to $3429.00. Please note the overpayment of $22.00 and apply it to the "Presidential Election Fund," as noted on my return. Might I suggest you the use the above mentioned to fund a 1.5 inch screw." (See attached article...HUD paid $22.00 for a 1.5 inch phillips head screw.)

It has been a pleasure to pay my tax bill this year, and I look forward to paying it again next year.

Sincerely,

A satisfied taxpayer

The Fund Raising Problems of Father Murphy
Father Murphy was a priest in a very poor parish. He asked for
suggestions as to how he could raise money for his church. He was
told that horse owners always had money so ho went to a horse auction,
but he made a very poor buy, as the horse turned out to be a donkey.
However, he thought that he might as well enter the donkey in a race.
The donkey came in third, and the next day the headlines in the
paper read, "Father Murphy's Ass Shows." The archbishop saw the paper
and was very displeased. The next day, the donkey came in first and the
headlines read "Father Murphy's Ass out front." The Archbishop was up
in arms and figured that something had to be done.
Father Murphy entered the donkey for the third time and this time
this time it came in second. Now the headlines read "Father Murphy's
Ass back in place." The Archbishop thought this too much so he more...