Raising Jokes

I understand Clinton is gonna try a new tactic with fund raising in an effort to comply with the law. You know how we have all these events for charity - walk for this or run for that, etc.
Well, they're planning on holding a 10 K run, but for campaign funds. Already a lot of the biggest contributors want to know if their butlers may run for them.

The Fund Raising Problems of Father Murphy
Father Murphy was a priest in a very poor parish. He asked for
suggestions as to how he could raise money for his church. He was
told that horse owners always had money so ho went to a horse auction,
but he made a very poor buy, as the horse turned out to be a donkey.
However, he thought that he might as well enter the donkey in a race.
The donkey came in third, and the next day the headlines in the
paper read, "Father Murphy's Ass Shows." The archbishop saw the paper
and was very displeased. The next day, the donkey came in first and the
headlines read "Father Murphy's Ass out front." The Archbishop was up
in arms and figured that something had to be done.
Father Murphy entered the donkey for the third time and this time
this time it came in second. Now the headlines read "Father Murphy's
Ass back in place." The Archbishop thought this too much so he more...

My friend, Ed Peterson, over at Wellsburg, Iowa, received a checkfor $1, 000. 00 from the government for not raising hogs. So I want togo into the "not raising hogs" business next year. What I want to know is, in your opinion, what is the best kind offarm not to raise hogs on and what is the best breed of hogs not toraise? I want to be sure that I approach this endeavor in keepingwith all governmental policies. I would prefer not to raiserazorbacks, but if that is not a good breed not to raise, then I wouldjust as gladly not raise Yorkshires or Durocs. As I see it, the hardest part of this program will be in keeping anaccurate inventory of how many hogs I haven't raised. My friend, Peterson, is very joyful about the future of thebusiness. He has been raising hogs for twenty years or so, and thebest he ever made on them was $442. 00 in 1968, until this year when hegot your check for $1, 000. 00 for not raising hogs. If I get $1, 000. 00 for not raising 50 hogs, will I get $2, more...

I understand Clinton is gonna try a new tactic with fund raising in an effort to comply with the law. You know how we have all these events for charity - walk for this or run for that, etc.
Well, they're planning on holding a 10 K run, but for campaign funds. Already a lot of the biggest contributors want to know if their butlers may run for them.

Motherhood: If it was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labour!
Shouting to make your children obey is like using the horn to steer your car and you get about the same results.
To be in your children's memories tomorrow, you have to be in their lives today.
The smartest advice on raising children is to enjoy them while they are still on your side.
Avenge yourself: Live long enough to be a problem to your children.
The best way to keep kids at home is to make the home a pleasant atmosphere is to let the air out of the tires.
The right temperature in a home is maintained by warm hearts, not by hot heads.
Raising a teenager is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
Parents: People who bare infants, bore teenagers and board newlyweds.
The joy of motherhood: What a woman experiences when all the children are finally in bed.
Life's golden age is when the kids are too old to need baby-sitters and too young to borrow the family more...