Peterson Jokes

Norm Peterson's Famous Quotes (from TV's' Cheers')
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' Can I draw you a beer, Norm? '
' No, I know what they look like. Just pour me one.'

' How's a beer sound, Norm?'
' I dunno. I usually finish them before they get a word in.'

' What's shaking, Norm?'
' All four cheeks and a couple of chins.'

' What would you say to a nice beer, Normie?'
' Going Down?'

' What's new, Normie?'
' Terrorists, Sam. They've taken over my stomach and they're
demanding beer.'

' What'll it be, Normie?'
' Just the usual, Coach. I'll have a froth of beer and a snorkel.'

' What would you say to a beer, Normie?'
' Daddy wuvs you.'

' What'd you like, Normie?'
' A reason to live. Give me another beer.'

' What'll you have, Normie?'
' Well, I'm in a gambling mood, Sammy. I'll take a
glass of whatever comes out more...

My friend, Ed Peterson, over at Wellsburg, Iowa, received a checkfor $1, 000. 00 from the government for not raising hogs. So I want togo into the "not raising hogs" business next year. What I want to know is, in your opinion, what is the best kind offarm not to raise hogs on and what is the best breed of hogs not toraise? I want to be sure that I approach this endeavor in keepingwith all governmental policies. I would prefer not to raiserazorbacks, but if that is not a good breed not to raise, then I wouldjust as gladly not raise Yorkshires or Durocs. As I see it, the hardest part of this program will be in keeping anaccurate inventory of how many hogs I haven't raised. My friend, Peterson, is very joyful about the future of thebusiness. He has been raising hogs for twenty years or so, and thebest he ever made on them was $442. 00 in 1968, until this year when hegot your check for $1, 000. 00 for not raising hogs. If I get $1, 000. 00 for not raising 50 hogs, will I get $2, more...

Drew Peterson was arrested and charged with first-degree murder inthe 2004 death of his third wife, Kathleen Savio, after a new autopsy determinedshe was murdered. Peterson has also beenidentified as a suspect in the disappearance of his fourth wife, Stacy Petersonwho went missing earlier this year. Petersonhas pleaded not guilty to both charges. The trial has been delayed since his character witnesses, his first andsecond wives, cannot be located.

Woody: “What’s shakin’ mister Peterson? ”
Norm: “All four cheeks and a couple of chins. ”
Woody: “How’s it goin’ Mr. P.? ”
Norm: “It’s a dog-eat-dog world out there and I’m wearin’ Milkbone underwear. ”
Woody: “Can I draw you a beer Mr. P.? ”
Norm: “I know what they look like, just give me one. ”
Woody: “What’s goin’ down Mr. P.? ”
Norm: “My butt on that stool. ”
Norm: “I’m the ideal weight for someone 10 feet tall. ”
Coach: Can I draw you a beer, Norm?
Norm: No, I know what they look like. Just pour me one.
Coach: How about a beer, Norm?
Norm: Hey I’m high on life, Coach…. Of course, beer is my life.
Coach: How’s a beer sound, Norm?
Norm: I dunno. I usually finish them before they get a word in.
Coach: What’s up, Norm?
Norm: Corners of my mouth, Coach.
Coach: Normie, Normie, could this be Vera?
Norm: With a lot of expensive surgery, more...

*Famous Sports Quotes*
"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
- Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann
"I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes."
- Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh
"You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle"
- Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach
"That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes."
- Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker
"You guys line up alphabetically by height!"
- Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach
"I play football. I'm not trying to be a professor. The tests don't seem to make sense to me, measuring your brain on stuff I haven't been through in school."
- Clemson recruit Ray Forsythe, who was ineligible more...