Corn Jokes

If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?

Martha Stewart vs Me...
Martha's way: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.
My way: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake, you are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway.
Martha's way: Use a meat baster to "squeeze" your pancake batter onto the hot griddle and you'll get perfectly shape pancakes every time.
My way: Buy the precooked kind you nuke in the microwave for 30 seconds. The hard part is getting them out of the plastic bag.
Martha's way: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in thebag with the potatoes.
My way: Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.
Martha's way: To prevent egg shells from cracking, add a pinch of salt to the water before hard boiling.
My way: Who cares if they crack, aren't you going to take the shells off anyway?
Martha's way: To get the most juice out of fresh more...

How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign? How do you get the "Keep off the Grass" sign on the grass? How do you get off a non-stop flight? How do you know when you've run out of invisible ink? How do you throw away a garbage can? How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings? How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his Walkman? If a pig is sold to the pawn shop, is it considered a ham-hock? If a turtle lost his shell, is he homeless or naked? If athletes get athlete’s foot, do astronauts get mistletoe? If blind people wear dark glasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs? If corn oil is made from corn, where do we get baby oil from? If I save time, when do I get it back? If rabbits' feet are so lucky, then what happened to the rabbit? If Superman is so smart why does he wear his underpants over his trousers? If swimming is good for your shape, more...

There were three men lost in a forest. They had been there for a while and were starving. But soon the found a cabin. They knocked and an old lady came out.
"Ma'am" the first man said, "We've been lost in this forest for 3 days and we need something to eat. Can you spare any of your food?"
The old lady thought about it then said "Well I haven't had a man in about 40 years. If each of you have sex with me I'll give you something to eat"
The first man looked around then said, "You guys wait outside, I'll do her 3 times. One for each of us."
He then told the old lady she had to close her eyes. He grab an ear of corn she had on the table and used it. When he was done with it he tossed it out the window. He repeated it two more times. When they were done he went outside and told the guys to come in so that they could eat.
They replied "No, thanks. That corn on the cob with cream filled us up!"

one day 2 blondes were trying to canoe in field of corn. another blonde was driving past the corn when she noticed the blondes canoeing.
"people like them are giving blondes all around the globe a bad name. the nerve of that idiot. if only i could swim i would have gone over there and smacked them both!"