"Parenthood" joke

1. Being a parent is like being pecked to death by a duck.

2. Raising teenagers is a lot like nailing Jello to a tree.

3. Money isn't everything but it sure keeps the kids in touch.

4. Your life's "Golden Age" is the period in your life when your kids are to old to require a babysitter and too young to take the car.

5. Shouting at your children to get cooperation is about the same as steering your car using the horn...same results.

6. To be in your children's memories tomorrow one must be in their life today.

7. The best advice regarding raising your children is to really enjoy them while they are still on your side.

8. A home's temperature is best maintained by warm hearts, not cold words or hot heads.

9. "The Joy of Motherhood": What a woman experiences after she puts the last tyke to bed.

10. Any child can tell you that the sole purpose of a middle name is so that he or she can tell when they are REALLY in trouble.

11. Your children may outgrow your lap...but NEVER your heart.

12. God gave you two ears and only one mouth, so that you may listen twice as much as you speak.

13. The only true child experts are those that do not yet have any of their own.

14. Cleaning house with the children at home is a lot like snowblowing during a blizzard.

15. There are only two things that your child is absolutely willing to share: Communicable Diseases and their mother's age.

16. Why is it that we can't get a child to read the Bible at home, but when in prison they will.

17. Remember this? "When you grow up and have children of your own, I hope that they are JUST LIKE YOU!" It worked.

18. How come your Dad never had money for the ice cream man but after a visit with Grandpa your kids "jingle"?

19. True genetics have nothing to do with hair and eye color. It's their occurrence of such things as "Who said life was FAIR", and Because I SAID so!" when you SWORE you'd never use those on your kids.

20. Practice what you preach even covers never letting them see you snag those Ding Dongs for breakfast.