Wagon Jokes / Recent Jokes

Monday morning the teacher asks her class if there was anything exciting that happened to them over the weekend.
As usual, little Johnny is waving his hand frantically, but knowing his reputation the teacher is doing her best to avoid calling on him.
Finally, she gives in and calls on him, "All right, Johnny, tell us what you did this weekend."
"I had my dog pull me in my wagon," Johnny proudly states. "We came to this steep hill and were going so fast that my dog couldn't run fast enough. That's when the handle of the wagon rammed right up his ass."
"Rectum, Johnny, rectum!" the teacher scolds.
"Wrecked um? Ha! Damn near killed him!" Johnny exclaims.

It was the day after Christmas at a church in San Francisco. The pastor of the church was looking over the cradle when he noticed that the baby Jesus was missing from among the figures of the nativity set. Immediately he turned and went outside and saw a little boy with a red wagon, and in the wagon was the figure of the little infant, Jesus. So he walked up to the boy and said, "Well, where did you get Him, my fine friend?"
The little boy replied, "I got him from the church."
"And why did you take him?"
The boy said, "Well, about a week before Christmas I prayed to the little Lord Jesus and I told him if he would bring me a red wagon for Christmas I would give him a ride around the block in it."

It seems a farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon load of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise. "Hey Willis!!" the farmer yelled. "Forget your troubles. Come in with us. Then I'll help you get the wagon up." "That's mighty nice of you, " Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to." "Aw, come on," the farmer insisted. "Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "But Pa won't like it." After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset." "Don't be foolish! " the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is he?" "Under the wagon."

A man is walking down the street. Further down the street he notices Little Johnny. Little Johnny is sitting in a red wagon, wearing a fireman's hat. The wagon is tied to a dog, by its balls.
The man says to LittleJohnny "Little Johnny you could go alot further, if you tied the rope around the dogs neck."
Little Johnny replies "If I did that, I wouldn't have a siren"

A Texas cowboy got a visit from his cousin who lives in the east.
He thought he would show his city-slicker cousin a local Indian tribe so he could see how they were "one with the land".
The cowboy and his cousin come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground. The cowboy stops and says to his cousin, "You see that Indian?"
"Yeah," says the city-slicker.
"Look," says the cowboy, "he's listening to the ground. He can hear things for miles in any direction!"
Just then the Indian looks up. "Covered wagon," he says, "about two miles away. Have two horses, one brown, one white. Man, woman, child, household effects in wagon."
"Incredible!" says the cousin to the cowboy.
"This Indian knows how far away they are, how many horses, what color they are, who is in the wagon, and what is in the wagon. AMAZING!!!"
The Indian looks up and says...
"Ran more...

A blonde and her husband are laying in bed watching TV, an old western is on. The husband says to his wife, "I bet you breakfast in bed that the covered wagon hits a rock and the driver falls out dead," "You're on," returned his wife. They watch the western and sure enough the wagon hits a rock in the dirt road and the driver falls out of the wagon... dead. The wife gets out of bed and returns shortly with a tray of food. After eating the husband says, "I have to admit that I saw this movie before." She in turn confesses, "I saw the movie before too. But I didn't think he was stupid enough to ride over the same rock twice...."

A long time ago when America was being settled, a group of people headed west in a wagon train from the east coast. The wagon train leader was very inexperienced and soon the people realized they were hopelessly lost. After wandering for weeks and weeks, their food supplies were gone and winter was fast approaching.
As the group came over a hill they saw the first person they had seen for days; a strange old man sitting beneath a tree. The leader of the wagon train approached the man. "Can you help us? We're heading west but we're lost and all our food is gone. We're starving."
The old man replied, "You know, I can see the future... Wait... I'm getting a vision now." He held one hand to his brow and closed his eyes in concentration. "It's coming. Oh yes, I see, I see."
"I know what you must do. Go up this hill and down the other side. Go through the forest and across the stream. Then go up the next hill and down to the valley below. There more...