Wagon Jokes / Recent Jokes

Johnny was walking down the street pulling his wagon when he stubbed his toe. He was swearing like crazy when a priest comes up to him and says "Johnny, I wouldn't say such things, God is everywhere."
Intrigued by the priest's comment, he questions the priest. "Is God over there?" he says pointing to a tree. "Yes Johnny, God is over there by that tree!" says the priest.
"Is god right here?" Johnny said pointing right beside him. "Yes Johnny God is right beside you." says the priest.
"Is God in my red wagon?" asks Johnny. "Yes Johnny, God is in your red wagon." says the priest.
"Is god in my basement?" asks Johnny. "Yes Johnny, God is in your basement." says the priest.
Johnny screams "You're a liar, I don't have a basement!"

A fire fighter is working on the engine outside the station when he notices a little boy next door in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the side and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.
The boy is wearing a fire fighter's helmet and has the wagon tied to a dog and a cat. The fire fighter walks over to take a closer look.
"That sure is a nice fire truck," the fire fighter says with admiration.
"Thanks mister,"the boy says. The fire fighter looks a little closer and notices the boy has tied the wagon to the dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.
"Little partner, " the fire fighter says, "I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."
The little boy says, "You're probably right, mister, but then I wouldn't have a siren."

Dear Star Savior,

Hi. I’m Lindsay Lohan. I went to rehab a few times last year, and I’ve really been trying to stay away from drinking. But I’ve kind of fallen off the wagon. I drank some champagne from a bottle at a New Year’s Eve party, and I drank Grey Goose vodka from a bottle Friday night and had some vodka cocktails at another club. And I was videotaped and seen by reporters. What should I do?


Dear Lindsay,

The quick fix is for you to start doing your drinking at home, away from judging eyes and cameras. What you lose in social surroundings, you can make up for in sheer drinking volume. It’ll pay for itself after your first blackout. As the saying goes, when a drunk passes out and no one’s around, it never happened. If you’re still not sold on drinking at home, remember this: There’s no last call at home. The floor’s the limit.

The Star Savior

A fireman is at the station house working outside on the fire truck when he notices a little girl next door. The little girl is in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the side. She is wearing a fireman's hat and has the wagon tied to a dog. The fireman says "Hey little girl. What are you doing?" The little girl says "I'm pretending to be a fireman and this is my fire truck!" The fireman walks over to take a closer look. "Little girl that sure is a nice fire truck!" the fireman says. "Thanks mister" says the little girl. The fireman looks a little closer and notices the little girl has tied the dog to the wagon by its testicles. "Little girl", says the fireman, "I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the dog's neck I think you could go faster." The little girl says, "You're probably right mister, but then I wouldn't have a siren!'

a fireman was cleaning the fire engine one day when he noticed a little girl across the street. she was busy cleaning her little red wagon which was fixed to look like a fire engine, ladder and all. the fireman walked across the street to admire the wagon. as he came close he noticed the power source was a large dog with a rope around his neck. he also noticed a cat with a string tied around its balls. the fireman thought this strange, so he said to the little girl," would not it be better to tie that string around the cats neck?". the little girl replied, "well that would be stupid, because what would i use for a siren?".

A group of tourists are touring the Wild West and they see a redneck with his ear to the ground.
"
What are you doing?"
they ask curiously.
"
Two cowboys are one a wagon, heading east. There is only one horse pulling the wagon, a black horse with white legs. The cowboys have brown hats on, and one is wearing a red shirt and one is wearing a blue shirt. Their faces and arms are sunburnt, and they have a cracked wheel, rear left."
"
Wow!"
admire the tourists. "
You can tell all that by putting your ear on the ground?"
"
No,"
replied the redneck. "
They just ran over me!"

A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of corn.
The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, "Hey Willis, forget your troubles! Come in and visit with us. I'll help you get the wagon up later."
"That's mighty nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to."
"Aw come on boy," the farmer insisted.
"Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "But Pa won't like it."
After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset."
"Don't be foolish!" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is he?"
"Under the wagon!"