Waist Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man came walking up to his grandparent's house when he noticed his grandfather sitting on the porch, in a rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down."Grandpa, what are you doing?" he exclaimed. The old man looked off in the distance without answering. "Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?" he asked again. The old man slowly looked at him and said, "Well, last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This is your grandma's idea."

Things You Wouldn't Know Without The Tube All Of Life's Mysteries Are On TV

If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises wearing their most revealing underwear.

If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.

All beds have special L-shaped top sheets that reach up to armpit level on a woman but only waist level on the man lying beside her.

All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.

It's easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.

The ventilation system of any building is a perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building without difficulty.

You're likely to survive any more...

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her,' Father, may I ask a favour?'' Of course child. What may I do for you?'

'Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my Mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?'
'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.'

'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.'

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked,' Father, do you have anything to declare?'

'From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.'

The official thought this answer strange, so asked,' And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?'

'I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which more...

Little Johnny
When Little Johnny was taking a shower with his mom and his dad, he asked his mom what were
those things and he pointed to her boobs. she replied"those are my bottles" then he looked at his
dad and asked what is the long stick hanging down from below his waist. the dad replied " thats my
car" Then he looked back at his mom and asked what was the hairy thing below her waist and she
replied" thats my garage"
After the shower was taken, they were going to bed. The mom had told Johnny whatever he
heard, don't wake up. he agreed.
I the middle of the night, he heard screams and weird noises like "oh's and ah's and "that
feels good." Johnny had woken up and he saw his parents having sex. He screamed." Daddy is pushing
so hard to shove his car into mommy's garage!!!!!!!!!!"

A man is walking buy a shop which has a sign in the window reading "WE SELL ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING".
The man decides to put the shop to the test. He thinks of the most absurd thing possible. He enters the shop, and asks the shopkeeper, "Can I have a waist coat for a Chicken, please".
The shopkeeper thinks for a moment, and then goes into the back room. He returns after a few seconds and hands the man a condom.
The man says "That's not a waist coat for a chicken!"
To which the shopkeeper replies, "No sir, but it's the closest we've got - A PULLOVER FOR A COCK"

John got very bad migraines. Incredibly bad. He would get sick and nauseous. After numerous tests, John's doctor came up with the solution"You have a unique physiology John. Your testicles are pushing back against your spinal column, causing your headaches. There are two remedies. Surgery to remove your testicles in which case the pain will be gone, or medication that will reduce the pain, but you will always have it."After much consideration, John elected to have the surgery. Everything went great and the pain was gone. A few weeks later, John was feeling down and a friend suggested that he go downtown and buy himself a suit. John was told about a suitmaker who could take measurements by looking at someone. John took his friends advice and walked into the tailor shop. A little old man wandered out and looked at John and said:"44 long. Your coat size is 44 long."
Astonished, John agreed.
"Neck size 16 1/2". John was amazed and said so.
"I more...

It was a hot day and a Hollywood star told a visiting Asian actor he knew of a secluded place where they can go skinny dipping.While they were enjoying the cool water, a busload of women suddenly appeared. Both men made a beeline for their towels. The Hollywood star wrapped his towel around his waist, while the Asian actor wrapped his towel around his head. There was a great deal of laughter coming from the women. They were hysterical.Afterwards, when there was only the two of them, the Hollywood star asked his guest why he wrap his towel around his head, instead of around his waist and he replied, "Where I come from we identify with our faces".