Wait Jokes / Recent Jokes

Dear friends:
Thought you'd like to hear the latest from our family. Well, here goes.
We've all been flossing regularly.
The newspaper landed in the bushes twice, but we got it out, thank goodness dad has those long arms.
They put a new gas station on the corner. It's the self-serve kind so there's been a lot of talk around town about it.
The other night we took the whole family to the pancake house for dinner. We all had pancakes except for mom. She had a waffle. She's a free spirt, you know.
We're saving up to buy a goldfish and can hardly wait. Pets are very exciting. And if not, you can flush them down the toliet.
Our kid finished his milk today. No one noticed we're using margarine instead of butter.
It's pretty cloudy here. Sometimes we watch tv. Other times we don't.
We may go shopping this weekend at the mall. There are forty-one stores there. So far we've been to twenty-eight. Thirteen to go. Unless they build more. They probably more...

A man walks into a Chinese restaurant but is told by the maitre'd there will be at least a twenty minute wait and would he like to wait in the bar. He goes into the bar and the bartender says, "What'll it be?"
The man replies, "Give me a Stoli with a twist."
The bartender squints at him for a few seconds, then smiles and says, "Once upon time were three little pigs..."

An old man is sitting at a table with his son and his new grandson.

The old man looks at his son and asks...
"Son, have you found out what that boy of yers is gonna be yet when he grows up?"

The man curls his eyebrows and asks "huh?"
The old man gets up and says "wait right here."

About five minutes pass and the old man comes back with a bottle of beer, some poker playing cards, and a bible.

The old man lines up the three items in front of the infant and looks at the man and says:

" Ok, here's how it works...
If the boy grabs the beer he's gonna be a drunk.
If he grabs the cards he's gonna be a gambler.
If he grabs the bible he's gonna be a preacher."

The baby stares at the items for a moment.
He then reaches out and grabs all three items.

The old man shouts...
"HOT DANG SON - HE'S A DEMOCRAT!"

A man walks into a Chinese restaurant but is told by theMaitre'd that there will be at least a twenty minute wait."Would you like to wait in the bar, Sir?", he says.The man goes into the bar and the bartender says, "What'll it be?"The man replies, "Give me a Stoli with a twist."The bartender pauses for a few seconds, then smiles andsays, "Once upon time, there were FOUR little peegs... "

Bill, a prominent southern California business man, got stuck in a traffic jam for the N-th day in a row and decided there and then that he had had enough. He made up his mind to liquidate his assets and buy a ranch in the middle of Nowhere Wyoming. Which he did.
He bought a ranch complete with a rather run down ranch house and set about to getting the ranch house up to code. He spent several months doing nothing but construction work.
One day he saw someone riding towards him over a far off hill. The rider eventually got up to the ranch house and introduced himself as Bill's nearest neighbor, and said he had been planning to come over and exchange greeting, but wanted to wait for Bill to get settled in.
Bill was pretty excited, as he hadn't really had any human contract for several months now, which was quite a change from his former life.
After exchanging greetings, Bill asked his neighbor "what do youall do for some fun around here"?
The neighbor more...

Imagine praying and hearing this:

"Thank you for calling My Father's House. Please select one of the following four options:
* Press 1 for requests.
* Press 2 for thanksgiving.
* Press 3 for complaints.
* For all other inquiries, Press 4."

What if God used the familiar excuse: "All of the angels are helping other customers right now. Please stay on the line. Your call will be answered in the order it was received."
Can you imagine getting these kinds of responses as you call on God in prayer?
* "If you'd like to speak with Gabriel, press 1."
* "For Michael, press 2."
* "For any other angel, press 3."
* "If you want King David to sing you a psalm, press 6."

"For reservations at My Father's House, simply press the letters J-O-H-N on the keypad, followed by the number 3-1-6."
"For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, the more...

Many traditional Jewish congregations refuse to count snowmen in the prayer quorum.
Medieval Jewish mystics practiced rolling in the snow to purge themselves from evil urges. They were the first snow angels.
Moses Maimonides, 10th century physician to the Egyptian Khalif, prescribed snow as a cure for the hot Cairo summers.
The elders of Safed have 36 different words for snow - but none for snow removal.
During 3 particularly cold Sinai winters, the Israelites were led by a pillar of snow.
It is forbidden to write in the snow on the Sabbath.
Following the great Jerusalem blizzard of 1900, Zionist visionary Theodor Herzl proposed the "Uganda option."
According to some rabbinic authorities, one must wait six hours between going out in the snow and in the rain.
On snowy days, the procession of King Solomon's immediate family was pulled by 2, 800 reindeer and 1, 200 huskies.
Israel's national hockey team participated in the 1992 more...