Waiter Jokes / Recent Jokes
Impressed by the impeccable cleanliness of the restaurant, the customer summoned his waiter over to the table to compliment him.
"We take pride in our sanitary precautions," the waiter explained. "For example, the manager makes us carry a spoon, so we don't have to touch the food we serve, and we even have a string attached to our pants fly, so that we don't touch the zipper."
"But how do you get it back into your trousers?" the customer whispered.
"Don't know about the others," the waiter replied, "but I use my spoon."
THE FOLLOWING STORY CONTAINS EXPLICIT USAGE OF OBSCENE LANGUAGE IN A SEXUAL
CONTEXT. DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE BELOW THE ACCEPTABLE AGE OF 18 YEARS. THE
AUTHOR IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY VIOLATION OR IGNORANCE OF THIS WARNING.
There was once a posh gentleman who went to this luxurious, and highly
pompous restaurant for a lavish dinner. He called a waiter, asked for the
menu card, and then ordered a French soup a la' creme. Moments later, the
waiter returned with the soup with his index finger poked inside the
soup-bowl. Seeing this disgusting sight, the gentleman was dismayed, but
with regard to his gentlemanly manner, remained quiet. He then ordered for
apetizers, and the main course.
During each of his courses, he noticed that the waiter was always poking his
thumb into the dish. This time, the man was utterly annoyed, but still
stayed calm, forcing his urging desire to punch the waiter, to regress.
After enjoying more...
A group of Jewish American Tourist are in London and on their itinary is listed a visit to Blooms Kosher Restaurant in Golders Green.
After being seated at the table they are served by a Chinese Waiter, who conducts the whole conversation in Yiddish.
After the meal and just before they are about to leave, they are confronted by the owner, Mr. Bloom, who asks them if they enjoyed the meal.
The leader of the group states that they were well satisfied by the food and service, but were amazed that the waiter only spoke in yiddish.
Mr. Bloom placed the index finger of his right hand to his lips and said "Shush, he thinks he's speaking in English"!!
Waiter, waiter! There's a maggot in my salad.
Don't worry, he won't live long in that stuff.
Waiter, waiter! There's a spider in my salad.
Yes sir, the chef's using Webb lettuces today.
Waiter, waiter! There's a fly in my soup!"
"Don't worry sir, the spider in your salad will eat it"
Why did the tomato blush?
Because it saw the salad dressing.
How do you repair a broken tomato?
Tomato Paste! (submitted by Laynie)
Why did the boy close the refrigerator door?
He didn't want to see the salad dressing!
A faucet, lettuce and a tomato were in a race... what happened?
The faucet was running, the lettuce was ahead, and the tomato was trying to ketchup!
What kind of lettuce did they serve on The Titanic?
Iceberg!
Q: What do you call a spider who makes salad?
A: A salad spinner.
Q. What is the most romantic fruit salad?
A. A date with a peach.
Waiter, what is bug doing in my more...
A customer wanted to ask his attractive waitress for a date, but couldn't get her attention. When he was able to catch her
eye, she quickly looked away. Finally he followed her into the kitchen and blurted out his invitation. To his amazement,
she readily consented.He said, "Why have you been avoiding me all this time? You wouldn't even make eye contact.""Oh," said the waitress, "I thought you wanted more coffee."
A Marwadi guy and a Gujarati guy went out to a very expensive restaurant for dinner one night.
Finally, the waiter came over and asked,
"Who should I give the check to?"
The Marwadi guy said,
"Give it to me. I'll take care of everything."
"Fine," said the waiter.
The next day the headlines read:' Gujrarati Ventriloquist Strangled to Death'
"It's chilly in here," the wealthy customer sniffed. "Will you please turn down the air conditioner?"
"No problem sir," said the waiter.
After a few minutes, the man flagged the server again. "Now I'm too warm."
"All right," said the waiter. But soon the customer was chilly again.
Finally a patron at a nearby table whispered to the waiter, "I commend you for your patience. That guy is certainly keeping you busy."
"No he's not," the waiter said with a shrug. "We don't even have an air conditioner."