Wal-mart Jokes

A very mean, nasty, unattractive woman enters the Wal-Mart store with her two kids. The Wal-Mart greeter says hello to the kids and then hello to the lady who just grunts at the greeter in return. The greeter asks the lady, "Great kids! Are they twins?"
"No," replies the lady, "one is 9 the other is 7. Do they look like twins?"
"No," the greeter says, "I just couldn't believe you could get laid twice."

My computer broke down.

It crashed and burned!

And for my AOL, I really yearned! I tried to stay busy...

And keep it off my mind.

It was worse than cigarettes, at least butts I can find!! So I went to Wal-Mart, and got on their pc.

The cashier in electronics was staring at me.

But I didn't care. I had to get on line! Check my mail, and see what buddies I can find.

I drew a crowd as I began to cry.

I couldn't find the password no matter how hard I tried! I need my AOL!! I got to have my fix!!

Go to my favorite places, check out some cool pics.

The cashier called Security! I heard her whisper low, "We have ourselves a Psycho here and she has got to go!"

Security rushed over. Not long did he stall.

Obviously he has never suffered from AOL withdrawal. He slapped cuffs on my wrists and threw me out the door!

Then he looked at me and said, more...

I consider Wal-Mart to be God's gift to shoppers. Literally, here are the similitudes I have noticed between the kingdom of Heaven and the Kingdom of Everyday Low Prices. Heaven: St. Peter greets you at the gates
Wal-Mart: Some old geezer named Peter greets you at the automatic doors Heaven: Eternal
Wal-Mart: Open 24 hours Heaven: Where old people go when they expire
Wal-Mart: Where old people go when the retire Heaven: Plenty of Room for everyone who loves God
Wal-Mart: Plenty of Parking for Everyone Heaven: Golden-haired angels shouting the glory of God
Wal Mart: Purple-haired obese women shouting for a price check on diapers Heaven: Salvation and redemption no matter what your sin
Wal-Mart: Full money refund on no matter what your complaint Heaven: EDLP = Every Do-gooder lives peacefully
Wal-Mart: EDLP = Every day low prices Heaven: Sam Walton - now a resident!
Wal-Mart: Sam's choice cola - now on sale!

I worked for a while at a Wal-Mart store, selling sporting goods. As an employee of Wal-Mart you are sometimes required to make store-wide pages, e.g.,"I have a customer in hardware who needs assistance at the paint counter."
One night a tentative female voice came over the intercom system with the (I kid you not) following message:
"I have a customer by the balls in toys who needs assistance."

Why is there no Wal-Mart in Iraq?
Because everywhere is Target!