Wall Jokes / Recent Jokes

A mathematician and a Wall street broker went to races. The broker suggested to bet $10,000 on a horse. The mathematician was sceptical, saying that he wanted first to understand the rules, to look on horses, etc. The broker whispered that he knew a secret algorithm for the success, but he could not convince the mathematician.
"You are too theoretical," he said and bet on a horse. Surely, that horse came first bringing him a lot of money. Triumphantly, he exclaimed, "I told you, I knew the secret!" "What is your secret?" the mathematician asked. "It is rather easy. I have two kids, three and five year old. I sum up their ages and I bet on number nine." "But, three and five is eight," the mathematician protested. "I told you, you are too theoretical!" the broker replied, "Haven't I just shown experimentally, that my calculation is correct! 3+5=9!"

A man was staying over at a farmer's house for the night.
However, the farmer warned: "My daughter is sleeping in the room next door. I'm going to put a wall of eggs around her bed to make sure that you don't go near her, understand?"
The man nodded weakly, for she saw the daughter and noticed she was very beautiful.
That night, the man crept into the daughter's room, and sure enough, there was a wall of eggs surrounding her bed. Alas, the daughter's beauty was too much for the man, and he pushed through the wall of eggs and made love to her.
Once they were finished, the man took out a mop and cleaned the mess up. He then used super glue to glue the eggs back together and restack them. He then went back to his room.
The next day, the farmer inspected the wall of eggs. He congratulated the man and celebrated with an egg feast. But when he took an egg off the wall and cracked it open, nothing came out.
The farmer groaned, "Not again."

Two young men decided to make a bet as to which one of them could make love more times in one night. They agreed that sunrise would be the end of the contest and each went to their respective motel rooms.
The more boastful of the two.....went right to it and made love to his date... leaned over and marked a "l" on the wall.... Feeling sprightly, he went again... and once again at the completion of the act. .marked another "l" on the wall - next to the first. Figuring he had the bet in the bag.. he decided to relax a bit and in relaxing....fell asleep. Awakened by the sun's rays coming in the window... he quickly grab his lady and did it one more time...... and marked another "l" on the wall... Just at that time. .His friend enters...and upon seeing the marks on the wall exclaims:
"DAMN- a hundred and eleven... beat me by three...."

In 1923, do you know who was:
President of the largest steel company?
President of the largest gas company?
President of the New York Stock Exchange?
Greatest wheat speculator?
President of the Bank of International Settlement?
Great Bear of Wall Street?
The winner of the US Open and PGA Tournaments?
These men were considered among the world's most successful. At least they were at the peak of their money making careers. Now, more than 55 years later, do you know what became of them???
The President of the largest steel company, Charles Schwab, died a pauper.
The President of the largest gas company, Edward Hopson, became insane.
The President of the NYSE, Richard Whitney, was released from prison to die at home.
The greatest wheat speculator, Arthur Cooger, died abroad, penniless.
The president of the Bank of International Settlement shot himself.
The Great Bear of Wall Street, Cosabee Rivermore, died a suicide.
Gene more...

A young English girl was holidaying in Paris and went to a well known night spot, here she was approached by a handsome Frenchman(if there is such a thing:). The Frenchman propositioned the girl, eventually she succumbed to his Gallic charm.
She went with him to his flat, had a drink of wine but, was then very surprised when instead of leading her into his bedroom to make wild passionate love to her he insists on having her against the wall in the lounge.
Afterwards she asked him why?
"Mon Cherie, all Frenchmen know," he explained, "that the English are always their best when their backs are against the wall!"

Every day this old lady would come home from work and fuck her husband, but one day she came home from work and he was dead. So she chopped off his dick and stapled it to the bathroom wall. One day while she was fucking the dick, a man in the house next door saw her through the window and had an idea.

While she was at work the next day, cut a hole in the wall and put his dick in it, where the other dick was. When she came home, she went into the bathroom and cut off the dick, saying "come on honey we're moving house".

Sometimes, it seems like some people are just plain *doomed*. If you don't believe it, consider these weird deaths:
A fierce gust of wind blew 45-year-old Vittorio Luise's car into a river near Naples, Italy, in 1983. He managed to break a window, climb out and swim to shore - where a tree blew over and killed him.
Mike Stewart, 31, of Dallas was filming a movie in 1983 on the dangers of low-level bridges when the truck he was standing on passed under a low-level bridge - killing him.
Walter Hallas, a 26-year-old store clerk in Leeds, England, was so afraid of dentists that in 1979 he asked a fellow worker to try to cure his toothache by punching him in the jaw. The punch caused
Hallas to fall down, hitting his head, and he died of a fractured skull.
George Schwartz, owner of a factory in Providence, R.I., narrowly escaped death when a 1983 blast flattened his factory except for one wall. After treatment for minor injuries, he returned to the scene to search for more...