Wall Jokes / Recent Jokes
Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to Heaven?"
The man said, "I do Father."
The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall."
Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to got to Heaven?"
"Certainly, Father," was the man's reply.
"Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest.
Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to Heaven?"
O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father."
The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to Heaven?"
O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."
Hillary Clinton died and, Lord knows why, went to heaven. St. Peter approached her and says "Hillary, I know you're 'somebody' down on Earth, but up here, you're just another person. And, I'm swamped right now, so have a seat and I'll get back with you as soon as I can."
So Hillary sits down and begins looking at her surroundings. She notices a huge wall that extends as far as the eye can see. And on that wall there are millions and millions of clocks. She can't help notice that on occasion some of the clocks jump ahead fifteen minutes.
When St. Peter returns she asks "What's the deal with the clocks?"
St. Peter replies "There is a clock on the wall for every married man on Earth."
Hillary asks, "Well what does it mean when the clock jumps ahead 15 minutes?"
St. Peter replies, "That means that the man that belongs to that clock has just committed adultery."
Hillary asks, "Well, is my husband's clock on the more...
20 Ways to Annoy Public Bathroom Stallmate
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1. Stick your open palm under the stall wall and ask your neighbor,' May I borrow a highlighter?'
2. Say,' Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't have put my lips on that.'
3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.
4. Say,' Damn, this water's cold.'
5. Drop a marble and say,' Oh shit! My glass eye!'
6. Say,' Hmmm, I've never seen that color before.'
7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantelope into the toilet bowl from a height of 6 feet. Sigh relaxingly.
8. Say,' Now how did that get there?'
9. Say,' Humus. Reminds me of humus.'
10. Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling,' Whoa! Easy boy!'
11. Say,' Interesting... more floaters more...
I want to make sure everybody who has a job wants a job-George Bush, during his first Presidential campaign"This is a great day for France!"-Richard Nixon, while attending Charles De Gaulle's funeral"Now, like, I'm President. It would be pretty hard for some drug guy to come into the White House and start offering it up, you know?... I bet if they did, I hope I would say, 'Hey, get lost. We don't want any of that.'"-George Bush, talking about drug abuse to a group of students"For seven and a half years I've worked alongside President Reagan.We've had triumphs. Made some mistakes. We've had some sex... uh... setbacks."-George Bush"I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy. But that could change."-Dan Quayle"Hawaii has always been a very pivotal role in the Pacific. It is in the Pacific. It is a part of the United States that is an island that is right here."-Dan Quayle during a visit to Hawaii in more...
On the wall of a church was a sign:
"If you are tired of sin, come to see us!"
And right below it in nice rounded letters;
"But if you're not, my phone number is 341 3451"
A firefighter died and went to hell where he finds a wall of clocks. After seeing all these clocks on a wall, with his friends names under them, he asked the devil, what the clocks mean?"Thats easy, each time one of your friends mess up on earth, their clock speeds up one hour." says the devil."I dont see the Chiefs clock anywhere?" the fireman says. The devil replied, "Oh him, we have his down in the basement, were using it for a fan."