Wall Jokes / Recent Jokes
Your so dumb, you climbed over a glass wall to see what was on the other side.
The following is a list of the Cartoon Laws Of Physics:
Cartoon Law I
Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of its situation.
Daffy Duck steps off a cliff, expecting further pastureland. He loiters in midair, soliloquizing flippantly, until he chances to look down. At this point, the familiar principle of 32 feet per second takes over.
Cartoon Law II
Any body in motion will tend to remain in motion until solid matter intervenes suddenly.
Whether shot from a cannon or in hot pursuit on foot, cartoon characters are so absolute in their momentum that only a telephone pole or an outsize boulder retards their forward motion absolutely. Sir Isaac Newton called this sudden termination of motion the stooge's surcease.
Cartoon Law III
Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation conforming to its perimeter.
Also called the silhouette of passage, this phenomenon is the speciality of victims of directed-pressure more...
Clinton dies and of course goes straight to hell. When he gets there the Devil greets him and offers him three ways to spend eternity. They go to the first door and the Devil shows him Newt Gingrich, hanging from the ceiling with fire under him. Bill says "Oh no! Thats not how I want to spend all eternity......." They go to the second door. The Devil shows him Rush Limbaugh chained to the wall being tortured. Bill says "Oh no! Not for me!"
They go to the third door. Behind it is Ken Starr, chained to the wall with Monica Lewinsky on her knees giving him a blowjob. Bill thinks and decides, "Hmmm, looks okay to me. Ill take it." The Devil then says, "Good. Hey Monica, youve been replaced."
Once a doctor went to a mental hospital. he was walking by a room and saw a guy holding his ear to the wall, so the doc went to that guy and pushed him aside and tried to listen so the doc put his ear against the wall and said i don't hear anything. that guy slaped the doctor and said i'm listening to this wall for 20 years i don't hear anything you just came and how the hell can you hear something.
1. Insert bulb and use as flashlight.
2. Fill with ink and use as bingo dabber.
3. Fill with Frosting and squeeze to decorate cake.
4. Use it as a decoration to hang from your rearview mirror.
5. Hang a dried out one inside an upside-down clay pot for an interesting bell. Gives new meaning to the phrase “ding dong. ”
6. Nail it to the wall and use it for a coat rack.
7. In a pinch, poke extra holes in the end and replace shower nozzle.
8. Conversation piece on the coffee table (”Oh, that’s just Ronald when he was in his prime…”).
9. Redneck girl’s toothpick holder.
10. Dip it in candied apple glaze and make an all day sucker out of it.
11. Fill with Vicks and use as a nose inhaler.
12. Fill it up with plaster of Paris and use it as a microphone while singing the Lorena Bobbitt song.
13. Stick a Mickey mouse head on the tip, slit the dick horizontally, insert a spring in the bottom, and use as a Pez more...
Guy goes to hell and is met by the devil, who explains that the punishments are changed every thousand years and he is to select his first punishment. First room has a young guy on the wall being whipped. The new guy not keen on this asks to see the next room. The next room has a middle aged guy being tortured with fire. The new guy immediately asks to see the third room. It has an really old guy chained to the wall getting a blow job from a gorgeous blonde. The guy jumps at the chance and takes the room. The devil walks into the room taps the blonde on the shoulder and says "okay, you can stop now. You've been relieved".
Three elderly women, recently transplanted from the Northeast to a Florida retirement community, were getting acquainted at poolside. Inevitably, theirconversation turned to children. "My son is the most successful doctor on Park Avenue," announced one.
Not to be outdone, the second remarked, "My son is the most successful lawyer on Wall Street."
The third remained conspicuously silent. Sensing easier game, the first matron inquired, "And you, dear, do you have a son?"
"And is he a professional?" demanded the second.
"Well, not exactly," answered the third. "Actually, he's a plumber. And notonly that, he's gay."
Beaming, one of the poor woman's interrogators offered consolation: "Ah, he's not doing so well."
This time it was the third woman who smiled. "He's not doing too badly," she explained.
"He goes out with the most successful doctor on Park Avenue and the most more...