Wall Jokes / Recent Jokes

Some ways to make sure you get an interesting prescription:1. Ask to borrow a comb, comb your tongue.2. Take random objects in his office and glue them to the floor.3. Refuse to cooperate unless he trades his pants.4. Bring pots and pans. Bang them together when he asks a question you don't like.5. After everything he says, say, "And how does that make you feel?"6. Point at random things and say, "Where did you get that?"7. Complain that his chair looks more comfortable.8. Repeat over and over, "I'm not hanging out with a bad influence, I AM a bad influence!"9. Sit underneath your chair.10. Stand on your head.11. Kill spiders on the wall with your fist. Eat what sticks to your hand and leave the rest sticking to the wall. Draw a circle around it to make sure everyone sees it.12. Never stop smiling.13. Scream every word.14. Repeatedly tell him to look at the ceiling. When he finally does, repeatedly tell him to look at the chair. When he finally does, more...

1.Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, ''May I borrow a highlighter?''
2. ''Uh-oh, I knew I shouldn't put my lips on that.''
3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.
4. ''Hmmm, I've never seen that color before.''
5. ''Damn, this water is cold.''
6. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a high place and sigh relaxingly.
7. ''Now how did that get there?''
8. ''Hummus. Reminds me of hummus.''
9. Fill up a large flask with Mountian Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling,''Whoa! Easy boy!!''
10. '' Interesting....more sinkers than floaters''
11. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peaunt butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say,''Whoops, could you kick that back over here, please?"
12. ''C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall more...

A funeral service is being held for a woman who had just passed away. As the pall bearers are carrying the casket out at the end of the service, they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket.
Suddenly they hear a faint moan. When they open the casket they find that the woman is actually alive. She lives for 10 more years and then dies.
Once more, a funeral is being held at the same church and at the end of the service the pall bearers are again carrying the casket out.
As they are walking, the husband shouts out, "Watch out for the wall!"

You can learn a lot from reading the graffiti in a bathroom, library or other public area...
The best way to a man's heart is to saw his breast plate open.
* Women's rest room, Murphy's, Champaign, Ill.
If you voted for Clinton in the last election, you can't take a dump here -
Your asshole is in Washington!
* Men's rest room, Outback Steakhouse, Tacoma, Wash.
Beauty is only a light switch away.
* Perkins Library, Duke University, Durham, N.C.
If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life,
then let's all get wasted and have the time of our lives.
* Armand's Pizza, Washington, D.C.
Remember, it's not "How high are you?", it's "Hi, how are you?"
* Rest stop off Route 81, W. VA.
God made pot. Man made beer. Who do you trust?
* The Irish Times, Washington, D.C.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
* The Bayou, Baton Rouge, La.
No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick more...

In the days of the Berlin Wall, there was a little old man who crossed the checkpoint every week, pushing his bicycle and carrying a heavy sack. The border guard, suspecting him of smuggling, always searched the sack thoroughly but never found anything worthwhile. One day, after the wall came down, the guard ran into the little old man.

"Look, I just know you were smuggling something all those years but I could never prove it," said the guard. "Tell me what it was."

The little old man chuckled, "Bicycles."

A mental patient was trying to hammer a nail in but had the nails head against the wall.
Despite obviously not getting very far, he persisted by hitting the sharp end.
Finally in disgust, he swore and threw down the hammer. At that point, another patient said: "Silly, that will never work. That nail is meant for the opposite wall..."

Seen in a health food store. "Shoplifters will be beaten over the head with an organic carrot""Children left unattended will be towed at parents expense." I went to a little hole in the wall restaurant: the sign read: Women are not served here. You have to bring your own.At a Santa Fe gas station: "We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container."In a New York restaurant: "Customers who consider our waitresses uncivil ought to see the manager."On the wall of a Baltimore estate: "Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.-Sisters of Mercy"On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners: "38 years on the same spot."In a Los Angeles dance hall: "Good clean dancing every night but Sunday."