Wanted Jokes / Recent Jokes

This guy wanted a parrot who talked. He asked the pet store manager if there was a bird who was already speaking. The manager directed the guy to a bird by the window. "This bird has a vocabulary of 1000 words and another 50 phrases that would fit most occasions."
The guy bought the bird and took it home.
Next day, the guy was back in the petstore to complain. The bird hadn't said a word.
The pet store manager said, "That's not unusual. Why not buy a few of the toys the bird had been used to playing with while here and put it in his cage. That should get him more comfortable with his surroundings and loosen him up." The man paid for the toys and took them home to the bird.
Two days later the guy showed back up. "Still not talking, huh?" asked the manager. "Well, perhaps a birdbath would do the trick." The credit card was whipped out, the purchase made, and the guy was back home with his new birdbath.
And, like clockwork, more...

This guy sees a sign in front of a house "Talking Dog for Sale." He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the back yard. The guy goes into the back yard and sees a mutt sitting there."You talk?" he asks."Yep," the mutt replies."So, what's your story?"The mutt looks up and says, "Well, I discovered this gift pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me
jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, cause no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running."The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of more...

Santa once wanted to transfer some files form one PC to another. Following was the steps followed by him.
1) Right clicked the mouse on the file which he wanted to transfer and selected CUT option.
2) Disconnected the mouse from that PC.
3) Took that mouse carefully and connected it to the other PC where he wanted to copy that file.
4) Right clicked the mouse and selected the PASTE option.

I wanted to go the Paranoids Anonymous
meeting, but they wouldn't tell me
where it was.

There was this little boy about 12 years old walking down the sidewalk pulling a wagon and dragging a flattened frog on a string behind it, when he comes up to the doorstep of a house of ill repute.
He knocked on the door, and the madam came to answer it, saw him and asked what he wanted.
He said he wanted what she was selling inside, had the money to buy it, and wasn't leaving until he got it. She thought she would have some fun with him, so she told him to come in.
Once he got in, she told him to pick one of the girls he liked; he asked her if any of the girls had any diseases, and of course the madam said no. But he said he'd heard that all the men were talking about having to go to the hospital and get shots after making love with Mabel, and THAT was the girl he wanted, and that he had the money to pay for it.
The madam told him to go upstairs and go to the first room on the right. So he headed down the hall dragging the frog behind him.
Ten minutes later he more...

Little Johnny came into the kitchen where his mother was making

dinner. His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a

good time to tell his mother what he wanted.



"Mom, I want a bike for my birthday." Little Johnny was a bit of

a troublemaker. He had gotten into trouble at school and at home.

Johnny's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike

for his birthday.



Little Johnny, of course, thought he did.

Johnny's mother wanted Johnny to reflect on his behavior over

the last year. "Go to your room, Johnny, and think about how

you have behaved this year.

Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike

for your birthday." Little Johnny stomped over to his room and

sat down to write God a letter.



Letter 1:

Dear God,

I have been more...

Three young college students are on vacation in Washington, DC. One day they are walking together past the White House when they hear the voice of a man crying out, "Help, Help." Quickly, they respond to the call by leaping over the White House fence, and by following the cries, they eventually come upon Bill Clinton, drowning in the White House swimming pool. In an heroic rush, they pull him from the pool, then give him artificial respiration, clearly saving his life. After a few minutes, Clinton says to them, "Well, boys, today you saved my life! And I am willing to give each of you any wish you desire, as long as it is within my power as President!" The first fellow thinks for a few seconds then says, "I have always wanted to go to West Point. Can you get me an appointment?" "You bet!" said the President, "I'll sign the papers this afternoon!" Then the second fellow said, "I've always wanted to go to Annapolis. Can you get me more...