Wanted Jokes / Recent Jokes

There was once a monastery and the friars there wanted a new bell for the bell tower. To raise enough money for the bell, the friars decided to start a florist shop. Well, word got out that some friars were opening a flower shop, and everyone wanted the friar's flowers! So they got great business and lots of money! Well, the other florists in that area weren't very happy because they were losing business. They sent a warning to the friars telling the friars that if they didn't stop selling flowers that they would send someone over to rough' em up! The friars ignored the warning. The next day however, the angry florists got together and hired a thug named Hugh. Hugh was big and strong! Hugh went to the friar's flower shop and beat the friars up and tore up their shop! So the moral to this story is: Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars!

The teacher asked her students to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence. Mary said, "My family went to the New Your City Zoo, and we saw all the animals. It was fascinating." The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted the word "fascinate."

Sally raised her hand. She said, "My famiy went to the Philadelphia Zoo and saw the animals. I was Fascinated." The teacher said, "good, but I wanted the word "fascinate."

Little Billy raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because Billy was noted for his bad language. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word "fascinate" so she called on him.

Billy said, "My sister has a sweater with 10 buttons, but her chest is so big she can only "fasten 8."

It was in the dark sky,
Just her and I.
I knew what she wanted;
I tried my best.
So then I placed my hand on her breast.
It was then I knew what she wanted to do.
She spread her legs,
I felt no shame.
Because then the white stuff,
Slowly came.
So it's done now;
My first time,
Milking a cow!

Christmas was over. Santa and his reindeer finally had a chance to
rest. And they deserved it. They had done a good job.
Rudolph had a chance to do something he had wanted to do for a
long time. He made an appointment with a plastic surgeon because
he was so sensitive about his looks.
However, it wasn't his glowing proboscis that he wanted changed.
He was proud of his nose and the help he had given Santa because
of it. No, he was sensitive about his long ears which were much
more prominent than the ears of the average reindeer, or bear, for
that matter.
So one week after Christmas, he let the good doctor do the
reconstructive surgical procedure, and since that time, January
1st has been celebrated as... New Ears Day.

A man who was born with no arms wished to seek employment. Fearing nobody would want to hire him with his obvious disability, he thought he'd answer a help wanted sign he saw posted at his church. He rang the bell at the rectory and when the pastor opened the door he was moved with pity. He asked, "What can I do for you, my son?" The man said I've come to answer your help wanted ad. The pastor became concerned and said that ad is for a bell ringer. He stammered that he didn't think he'd be able to handle the job. The man pleaded and said won't you give me a chance so I can show you what I'm capable of? The pastor relented and hired him. The time came when the church bell had to be rung. The man made his way under the bell, took a running start and threw his body against the bell which resulted in a booming "BONNGGGG" as soon as the vibrations subsided, he took another running start and threw his body into the other side of the bell with the expected result

Apparently Iran would like to have some nuclear weapons.

Who can blame them? Getting nuclear weapons is sort of like being in the Hells Angels. It's not that people actually respect you or think you're any smarter or more important than you used to be, but they sure pretend to.

We, on the other hand, would not like Iran to have nuclear weapons. We would like them to have tea parties and crayons and possibly even Pop Rocks, but no nuclear weapons.

The interesting conundrum is this: We were the ones that gave them the stuff to build the weapons in the first place.

Because we wanted them to have nuclear weapons.

We did. But now we don't. See?

Happened with Iraq too.

We gave them loads of weapons but then decided we'd rather they didn't have them.

We wanted them to have them then.

But not now.

See?

Er, may I offer a suggestion?

I think this "Here, have some weapons/If you have more...

John was a clerk in a small drugstore but he was not much of a salesman. He could never find the item the customer wanted. Bob, the owner, had about enough and warned John that the next sale he missed would be his last. Just then a man came in coughing and he ask John for their best cough syrup. Try as he might John could not find the cough syrup. Remembering Bob's warning he sold the man a box of Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once. The customer did as John said and then walked outside and leaned against a lamp post. Bob had seen the whole thing and came over to ask John what had transpired." He wanted something for his cough but I couldn't find the cough syrup. I substituted Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once" John explained." Ex-Lax won't cure a cough!" Bob shouted angrily." Sure it will" John said, pointing at the man leaning on the lamp post." Just look at him. He's afraid to cough!"