Wanted Jokes / Recent Jokes

DEAR WIFE

I'm writing this letter to you to tell you that I'm leaving you.

I've been a good man to you for seven years, yet I have nothing to show for it.

Life with you is unbearable. I called you at work just to see if you wanted to have lunch ( you know, maybe try to reconnect) and your boss told me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw.

Last week you came home and didn't even notice that I had a new aircut, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand-new pair of silk boxers to bed.

You came home and ate in two minutes and went straight to sleep after watching TV. You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want to be intimate or anything. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore.

Whatever the case, I'm gone.
Your Ex-husband

P. S.: Don't try to find me. Your sister and I are moving to West Virginia, if that's a problem, TOUGH!

DEAR more...

It's better to be wanted for murder than not to be wanted at all.

Q: - Why did the Gujju think the film Gandhi was about a woman?
A: - Because Be(h)n Kingsley was in it.
Q: - Why won't the gujju jeweller sell anything to the UP ka bhayiya?
A: - The bhayiya kept giving gujju a bunch of hair each time the gujju asked for' Kesh'
Q: - What did the Gujju mean when he said, "Ramesh no dikro States ma gayon"?
A: - Ramesh's son failed in statistics...
Q) Why did Bill Clinton have the gujju beaten?
A) The gujju told Clinton "You are an IMPOTENT man"
Q) What will a Gujju tell a tomato, coming last in a tomato race?
A) Tomato KETCHUP.
Q) Why did the gujju go to Rome?
A) He wanted to listen to POPE music.
Q) Why did the gujju go to London?
A) To see BIG BEHN.
Q) Why was the gujju stacking up 1 cent coins on the day before exams?
A) He wanted to get "cent-per-cent".
Q) What did the Gujju have in the morning?
A) LIGHT SNAKES for breakfast.
Q) more...

After years of marriage, Ole and Lena found themselves in bed one night. Lena leaned over to Ole and said, "Ole, have you ever been unfaithful during all our years of marriage?"
"Not even once!" exclaimed Ole. "Lena, have you ever been unfaithful?"
"Well, er, yes - but only three times," she admitted somewhat embarrassed.
"Hmmm, three times?" questioned Ole. "That's not so bad. Do you remember those three times? Can you tell me when?"
"Well, Ole, do you remember when you wanted to build the store and you had a hard time getting approval from the City Council?" asked Lena. "That was the first time."
"And, do you remember when you wanted to build an addition, but had to get the okay from the building inspector?" she asked. "That was the second time."
"OK, Lena, when was the third time?" queried Ole?
"The third time was " Lena paused. more...

John was a clerk in a small chemist shop but he was not much of a salesman. He could never find the item the customer wanted. Peter, the owner, had had about enough and warned John that the next sale he missed would be his last.
Just then a man came in coughing and he asked John for their best cough syrup. Try as he might, John could not find the cough syrup. Remembering Peter's warning he sold the man a box of laxative pills and told him to take them all at once. The customer did as John said and then walked outside and leaned against a lamp post.
Peter had seen the whole thing and came over to ask John what had happened.
"He wanted something for his cough but I couldn't find the cough syrup. So I substituted laxatives and told him to take them all at once," John said.
"Laxatives won't cure a cough," Peter shouted angrily.
"Sure they will," John said, pointing at the man leaning on the lamp post. "Look at him! He's too afraid to more...

4 Nuns at a church wanted to watch TV. The first one said she wanted towatch the INDY 500. The second one wanted to watch the sexy Shawn Michelson WWF. The third nun said she wanted to watch the knitting channel so shecan knit some mittens for the kitchen. The fourth nun said she wanted towatch the discovery channel on how a baby is born. After some dicussion, they all decided to flip channels every 2 seconds so they can watch thesame things.This is what is sounded like:And they're off! They're on top of each other! In...Out...In...Out...andyes, the baby is born!

Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents for days. Finally his mother talked his reluctant father into taking him."So how was it?" his mother asked when they returned home."Great," Little Johnny replied."Did you and daddy have a good time?" asked his mother."Yeah, daddy really liked it too," exclaimed Little Johnny, "especially when one of the animals came home at 30 to 1!"