Warm Jokes / Recent Jokes
All I want is a warm bed and a kind word, and unlimited power.
You probably won't believe this but one day my father-in-law Joe and I were out fishing, well casting would be a more accurate. Well when Joe and I fish we also like to take along something to keep warm, usually 80 proof.
That particular day the fish were not biting and we got a bit caught up in keeping warm. After a while I started clowning around and for a joke I put a minnow on my hook and then dipped it into my cup of "Ol' Loudmouth" and cast it into the lake.
Believe it or not I got an immediate strike and after a major fight landed a 12 pound bass. And that minnow had him right by the throat!
How to be a Good WifeExcerpted from a 1950's high school home economics textbookHave dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal-on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal is part of the warm welcome needed.Prepare yourself. Take fifteen minutes to rest so that you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your makeup, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a life.Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives, gathering up the school books, toys, paper, etc. Then run a dust cloth over the tables. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift, too.Prepare the children. Take a more...
Why is a dog so warm in Summer? He wears a coat and pants.
A man traveling by plane was in urgent need of a restroom
facility, but each time he tried, it was occupied. The flight
attendant, aware of his predicament, suggested he use the attendants'
LADIES room, but cautioned him not to press any of the buttons.
There next to the paper roll were four buttons marked respectively:
WW WA PP ATR
Making the mistake soooo many men make of not listening to a woman,
he disregarded what she said when his curiousity got the best of him.
He carefully pressed the WW button and immediately a gentle flush of
Warm Water sprayed on his bare bottom. He thought, Wow, these gals
really have it nice.
So, a little more boldly he pressed the WA
button. Body temperature Warm Air blew across his wet bottom and
dried it comfortably. Aha, he thought, no wonder these women take so
long in the bathroom with these kind of services!
So he pushed the next button, PP, with anticipation. A soft more...
Two young lovers go up to the mountains for a romantic winter vacation. When they get there, the guy goes out to chop some wood.
When he gets back, he says, "Honey, my hands are freezing!"
She says, "Well put them here between my legs and that will warm them up."
After lunch he goes back out to chop some more wood and comes back and says again, "Man! My hands are really freezing!"
She says again, "Well put them here between my legs and warm them up."
He does, and again that warms him up. After dinner, he goes out one more time to chop wood for the night.
When he returns, he again says, "Honey, my hands arereally freezing!" She looks at him and says, "For crying out loud, don't your *ears* ever get cold?"
A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... They must be Gods! A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... I must be a God!