Warm Jokes / Recent Jokes

I Am Glad I Picked You

I saw you across a crowded room.
Among all the others that were there,
The lights seemed to shine down on you alone.
I knew then I had to have you for my own.

Willingly, you came with me to my home.
From the car, I carried you & threw the door.

Looking at you, I admire your body,
your well shaped legs,and breasts.
Slowly I remove what wraps,
around your body so tighly,
fitting you like a glove.
Exposing your tender white skin.

From your neck I remove your charms,
and carry you off in my arms,
to the warm water that awaits.

The water cascades down your neck,
flowing over your soft breasts then,
making your legs glisten with wetness.
Droplets of water cover your taut skin.

My hands rub your body, ummmm
running them threw the beads of water.
Making them trickle down off your body.

I place my fingers inside more...

A gentleman was having some physical problems and his doctor told him that he had to drink warm water with Epsom Salts one hour before breakfast. At the end of a week he returned and the doctor asked if he was feeling better.
The man said that he actually felt worse. "Did you drink warm salt water an hour before breakfast each day?" the Doc asked.
"No," replied the man somberly, letting out a sigh. "I could only do about 15 minutes!"

THE ORIGINAL VERSIONThe ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold. MODERN CANADIAN VERSIONThe ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come the winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving. The CBC shows up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. Canadians are stunned by the sharp contrast. How can it be that, in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to more...

>>To All Men Traveling the Airways
>>
>>The Gentleman had a serious problem. He had made several attempts
>>to get into the men's restroom, but found it to be occupied. The
stewardess
>>noticed that he was walking funny, taking small steps, and with a look
>>of pain and anxiety on his face.
>>
>>"Sir", she said, "The ladies restroom is unoccupied. You may use it
>>if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall." He was
>>about to pop, and would have promised anything, so he agreed to her
>>terms.
>>
>>The relief was pure joy, and as he sat there, savoring the feeling,
>>he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch. Three white
>>buttons were identified by the letters: "WW", "WA", and "PP", and
>>there was one red button labeled "ATR".
>>
>>Who would really know if he touched them? He couldn't just sit
>>there and more...

Bloke desperate to use the loo in Chicago hospital is told by nurse 2 use the ladies but not too touch any buttons on the wall.Inside there were 4 buttons marked ww, wa, pp& a red 1 marked ATR. Curious, he pressed ww & there was a gental spray of warm water.He then pressed WA & he was dried with warm air PP produced a power puff so he decided 2 finished with ATR.next he knew he was in a hospital bed with the same nurse looking at him saying ATR means Automatic Tampon Remover, Your penis is under your pillow...

Cold Hands There's an Ahmish girl riding in a buggy with her mother, and she say's "my hands are really cold, how can I warm them up?" Her mother say's "Put them between your legs, that will warm them up." So she does, and her mother was right. The next day the girl is riding in the buggy with her boyfriend, and he says his hands are cold, so the girl say's, "Put them between my legs, that will warm them up." So he does, and his hands get warm. The next day he has a cold nose, and they use the same remedy. The day after that he say's "My dick is really cold" and the girl says, "Put it between my legs and warm it up." So he does. She's talking to her mother the next day and she asks, "Mom have you ever heard of a penis?" Her mother says, "Yes, why do you ask?" She says I don't know what they are, but they make an awful mess when they thaw out!

A dating Amish couple Elizabeth and Eli, are riding down the road in their buggy. It's
mid January and very cold. Elizabeth says to Eli,
"My feet are frozen solid."
Eli says,
"Well, put them in my lap. I'll rub them and warm them up."
Elizabeth does so and after a while she asks,
"Eli, what's that hard thing in your pants?"
Eli answers,
"That's my penis, it's frozen solid.. Maybe you can rub it and warm it up."
The next morning Elizabeth comes down for breakfast and asks her mother,
"Ma, what do you know about penises?"
Her mother retorts,
"I don't know, what do YOU know about penises?"
Elizabeth replies,
"I know one thing, they sure are messy when they melt!"