Wash Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: Two men drive into a car wash. Which one is the Irishman? A: The one on the motorbike.

1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.

2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have both lids lifted.

3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (you may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape). CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be reaching out for any purchase they can find.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power wash and rinse" which I have found to be quite effective.

6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.

8. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself.

Sincerely,
The DOG

You might be a reneck if...

The make, model, and license plate number of your truck are obscured by a layer of mud.

You have got more bumper stickers than children.

Your wife has ever taken two pairs of shoes to a funeral: one pair to trudge thru the wet Georgia red clay between the house and the pickup, and the other pair to wear at the funeral.

You have ever been in a funeral where the flower truck was a pickup, particularly if it belonged to one of the family, more particularly if it was yours.

You have ever had to stop at a car wash on the way to a funeral to wash the dump dirt from the back of your pickup so you can use it as a flower truck.

Your clawfoot bathtub has ever been unusable because your wife was using it as a brooder.

Your clawfoot bathtub sometimes serves as a hospital for injured fowl.

You have ever come home and heard a ruckus in the bathroom. When you looked in, one of the more...

Three engineers were in the bathroom standing at the urinals. The first engineer finished and walked over to the sink to wash his hands. He then proceeded to dry his hands very carefully. He used paper towel after paper towel and ensured that every single spot of water on his hands was dried. Turning to the other two engineers, he said, "At Hewlett Packard, we are trained to be extremely thorough."
The second engineer finished his task at the urinal and he proceeded to wash his hands. He used a single paper towel and made sure that he dried his hands using every available portion of the paper towel. He turned and said, "At Lockheed-Martin, not only are we trained to be extremely thorough, but we are also trained to be extremely efficient."
The third engineer finished and walked straight for the door, shouting over his shoulder, "At Apple Computer, Inc. we don`t pee on our hands."

A young boy, about eight years old, was at the corner "Mom & Pop" grocery store picking out a pretty
good size box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over and, trying to be friendly, asked the boy
if he had a lot of laundry to do.
"Oh, no laundry," the boy said. "I'm going to wash my dog."
"But you shouldn't use this to wash your dog. It's very powerful and if you wash your dog in this,
he'll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him."
But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it, even as
the grocer still tried to talk him out of washing his dog.
About a week later the boy was back in the store to buy some candy. The grocer asked the boy how his
dog was doing.
"Oh, he died," the boy said.
The grocer, trying not to be an I-told-you-so, said he was sorry the dog died but added, "I tried to
tell you not to use that detergent more...

Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain? A: Gifted! Q: How do blonde braincells die? A: Alone. Q: How do you brainwash a blonde? A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down. Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette? A: Artificial intelligence. Q: How does a blonde part their hair? A: (Action of scissoring legs apart)Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink? A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables! Q: What was the blond psychic's greatest achievment? A: An IN-body experience! Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain? A: After a dye job. Q: Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning? A: It swells at night. Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane? A1: She'd just dyed her hair. A2: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much. Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up? A: To catch as much as they can that is over their heads. Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger? more...

A young boy, about seven years old, was at the corner grocery picking out a box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over and trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do. "No laundry" the boy said, "I'm going to wash my dog." "But you shouldn't use this to wash your dog. It's very powerful and if you wash your dog in this, he'll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him." But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to talk him out of washing his dog. About a week later the boy was back in the store to buy some candy. The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing. "Oh, he died," the boy said. The grocer, trying not to be an I-told-you-so, said he was sorry the dog died but added, "I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your dog." The boy replied, "I don't think it was the detergent that killed him." "Oh, more...