Washer Jokes / Recent Jokes

The abundantly endowed starlet had just stepped out of the bathtub in her hotel suite and was about to reach for a towel when she caught sight of a window washer taking in all of her charms. The starlet, too stunned to move, stood staring at the man.
"Whatcha lookin' at, lady?" he finally asked. "Aintcha never seen a window washer before?"

Two nuns, Sister Mary Agnes and Sister Mary Vincent, aretraveling through Europe in their car, sightseeing inTransylvania. As they are stopped at a traffic light, outof nowhere, a small vampire jumps onto the hood of the carand hisses at them through the windshield." Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Mary Agnes, "What should wedo?" "Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of theabomination," says Sister Mary Vincent. Sister Mary Agnes switches on the wipers, which knock themini-Dracula around. But, he hangs on and continues hissingat the nuns. "What shall I do now?" she shouts." Try the windshield washer. I filled it with holy waterbefore we left the Vatican," replies Sister Mary Vincent. Sister Mary Agnes turns on the windshield washer. Thevampire screams as the water burns his skin, but he hangs onand continues hissing at the nuns." Now what?" shouts Sister Mary Agnes." Show him your cross," says Sister Mary more...

A man went into a store and began looking around. He saw a washer and dryer, but there was no price listed on them. He asked the sales person "How much are the washer and dryer?"

"Five dollars for both of them," the salesman said.
"Yeah right, you've got to be kidding me!" the man replied sarcastically.
"No, that's the price," the salesman said, "Do you want to buy them or not?"
"Yeah, I'll take them!" the customer responded.

He continued to look around and saw a car stereo system with a detachable face cassette player, a CD changer, amplifier, speakers, and subwoofers. "How much?" he asked.

"Five dollars for the system," the salesman answered.
"Is it stolen?" the guy asks.
"No," said the salesman, "It's brand new, do you want it or not?"
"Sure," the customer replied. He looked around some more...

Two nuns, Sister Mary Agnes and Sister Mary Vincent, aretraveling through Europe in their car, sightseeing inTransylvania. As they are stopped at a traffic light, outof nowhere, a small vampire jumps onto the hood of the carand hisses at them through the windshield."Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Mary Agnes, "What should wedo?""Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of theabomination," says Sister Mary Vincent.Sister Mary Agnes switches on the wipers, which knock themini-Dracula around. But, he hangs on and continues hissingat the nuns. "What shall I do now?" she shouts."Try the windshield washer. I filled it with holy waterbefore we left the Vatican," replies Sister Mary Vincent.Sister Mary Agnes turns on the windshield washer. Thevampire screams as the water burns his skin, but he hangs onand continues hissing at the nuns."Now what?" shouts Sister Mary Agnes."Show him your cross," says Sister Mary more...

A man went into a store and began looking around. He saw a washer and dryer, but there was no price listed on them. He asked the sales person "How much are the washer and dryer?" "Five dollars for both of them," the salesman said." Yeah right, you've got to be kidding me!" the man replied sarcastically." No, that's the price," the salesman said, "Do you want to buy them or not?" "Yeah, I'll take them!" the customer responded. He continued to look around and saw a car stereo system with a detachable face cassette player, a CD changer, amplifier, speakers, and subwoofers. "How much?" he asked." Five dollars for the system," the salesman answered." Is it stolen?" the guy asks." No," said the salesman, "It's brand new, do you want it or not?" "Sure," the customer replied. He looked around some more. Next he found a top of the line computer with printer and monitor. more...

A woman could never get her husband to do anything around the house. He would come home from work, sit in front of the tv, eat dinner, and sit some more–would never do those little household repairs that most husbands take care of. This frustrated the woman quite a bit. One day the toilet stopped up. When her husband got home, she said sweetly, “Honey, the toilet is clogged. Would you look at it? ” Her husband snarled, “What do I look like? The tidy-bowl man? ” and sat down on the sofa. The next day, the garbage disposal wouldn’t work. When her husband got home, she said, very nicely, “Honey, the disposal won’t work. Would you try to fix it for me? ” Once again, he growled, “What do I look like? Mr. Plumber? ” The next day, the washing machine was on the blink. When her husband got home, she steeled her courage and said, “Honey, the washer isn’t running. Would you check on it? ” And again was met with a snarl, “What do I look like? The Maytag repairman? more...

The following were actually taken from classified ads in newspapers: Free Yorkshire Terrior. 8 years-old. Hateful little dog. - ---------------------------------Free Puppies: 1/2 Cocker Spaniel1/2 Sneaky Neighbor's Dog----------------------------------Free Puppies: Part German ShepherdPart Stupid Dog----------------------------------German Shepherd - 85lbs. Neutered. Speaks German. Free!----------------------------------1 Man, 7 Women hot tub -- $850/offer----------------------------------Amana Washer $100. Owned by clean bachelor who seldom washed. - ---------------------------------Snow blower for sale. Only used on snowy days. - ---------------------------------2 Wire mesh butchering gloves: 1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, pair $15. - ---------------------------------Tickle Me Elmo, Still in Box, Comes with its own1988 Mustang, 5L, AutoExcellent Condition, $6, 800. - ---------------------------------83 Toyota Hunchback -- $2, 000----------------------------------Star Wars Job of the Hut -- more...