Washer Jokes / Recent Jokes

A woman could never get her husband to do anything around the house. He would come home from work, sit in front of the TV, eat dinner, and sit some more - would never do those little household repairs that most husbands take care of. This frustrated the woman quite a bit. One day the toilet stopped up. When her husband got home, she said sweetly, 'Honey, the toilet is clogged. Would you look at it?' Her husband snarled, 'What do I look like? The tidy-bowl man?' and sat down on the sofa.
The next day, the garbage disposal wouldn't work. When her husband got home, she said, very nicely, 'Honey, the disposal won't work. Would you try to fix it for me?' Once again, he growled, 'What do I look like? Mr. Plumber?'
The next day, the washing machine was on the blink. When her husband got home, she steeled her courage and said, 'Honey, the washer isn't running. Would you check on it?' And again was met with a snarl, 'What do I look like? The Maytag repairman?'
Finally, she had had more...

A man went into a store and began looking around. He saw a washer and dryer, but there was no price listed on them. He asked the sales person "How much are the washer and dryer?"
"Five dollars for both of them," the salesman said.
"Yeah right, you've got to be kidding me!" the man replied sarcastically.
"No, that's the price," the salesman said, "Do you want to buy them or not?"
"Yeah, I'll take them!" the customer responded.
He continued to look around and saw a car stereo system with a detachable face cassette player, a CD changer, amplifier, speakers, and subwoofers. "How much?" he asked.
"Five dollars for the system," the salesman answered.
"Is it stolen?" the guy asks.
"No," said the salesman, "It's brand new, do you want it or not?"
"Sure," the customer replied. He looked around some more.
Next he found a top of the line more...

A man went into a store and began looking around. He saw a washer and dryer, but there was no price listed on them. He asked the sales person "How much are the washer and dryer?""Five dollars for both of them," the salesman said."Yeah right, you've got to be kidding me!" the man replied sarcastically."No, that's the price," the salesman said, "Do you want to buy them or not?""Yeah, I'll take them!" the customer responded.He continued to look around and saw a car stereo system with a detachable face cassette player, a CD changer, amplifier, speakers, and subwoofers. "How much?" he asked."Five dollars for the system," the salesman answered."Is it stolen?" the guy asks."No," said the salesman, "It's brand new, do you want it or not?""Sure," the customer replied. He looked around some more.Next he found a top of the line computer with printer and monitor. "How more...

1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB - $850/offer AMANA WASHER $100. OWNED BY CLEAN BACHELOR WHO SELDOM WASHED. SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE... ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS. FREE PUPPIES...PART GERMAN SHEPHERD - PART DOG 2 WIRE MESH BUTCHERING GLOVES: 1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, PAIR: $15 TICKLE ME ELMO, STILL IN BOX, COMES WITH IT'S OWN 1988 MUSTANG, 5L, AUTO, EXCELLENT CONDITION $6800 COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED... ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE. 83 TOYOTA HUNCHBACK - $2000 STAR WARS JOB OF THE HUT - $15 FREE PUPPIES: COCKER SPANIEL - SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 YEARS OLD. UNPLEASANT LITTLE DOG. SOFT & GENITAL BATH TISSUES OR FACIAL TISSUE 89 cents GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs. NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE. FULL SIZED MATTRESS. 20 YR. WARRANTY. LIKE NEW. SLIGHT URINE SMELL. FREE 1 CAN OF PORK & BEANS WITH PURCHASE OF 3 BR 2 BATH HOME. FOR SALE: LEE MAJORS (6 MILLION DOLLAR MAN) - $50 NORDIC TRACK $300 HARDLY USED CALL CHUBBIE BILL'S SEPTIC CLEANING "WE HAUL AMERICAN MADE PRODUCTS" SHAKESPEARE'S more...

Two nuns, Sister Mary Agnes and Sister Mary Vincent, aretraveling through Europe in their car, sightseeing inTransylvania. As they are stopped at a traffic light, outof nowhere, a small vampire jumps onto the hood of the carand hisses at them through the windshield."Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Mary Agnes, "What should wedo?""Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of theabomination," says Sister Mary Vincent. Sister Mary Agnes switches on the wipers, which knock themini-Dracula around. But, he hangs on and continues hissingat the nuns. "What shall I do now?" she shouts."Try the windshield washer. I filled it with holy waterbefore we left the Vatican," replies Sister Mary Vincent. Sister Mary Agnes turns on the windshield washer. Thevampire screams as the water burns his skin, but he hangs onand continues hissing at the nuns."Now what?" shouts Sister Mary Agnes."Show him your cross," says Sister Mary more...

You have to read the whole thing: The following is from a 1950's Home Economics textbook intended for the High School girls, teaching how to prepare for married life. 1. Have dinner ready: Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal - on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him, and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospects of a good meal are part of the warm welcome needed. 2. Prepare yourself: Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a lift. 3. Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives, gathering up school books, toys, paper, etc. Then run a dust cloth over the tables. Your husband will feel he has more...

Two nuns, Sister Marilyn and Sister Helen, are traveling through Europe in their car. They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic light. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a tiny little Dracula jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses through the windshield.
"Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Marilyn. "What shall we do?"
"Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination," says Sister Helen.
Sister Marilyn switches them on, knocking Dracula about, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns.
"What shall I do now?" she shouts.
"Switch on the windshield washer. I filled it up with Holy Water at the Vatican," says Sister Helen.
Sister Marilyn turns on the windshield washer. Dracula screams as the water burns his skin, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns.
"Now what?" shouts Sister Marilyn.
"Show him your cross," says Sister more...