Washing Jokes / Recent Jokes

WOMEN'S RIGHTS

The following took place at an international conference for women's rights.

The first speaker, a lady from England stood and said, "During last year's conference, we spoke about being more assertive with our
husbands. Well, after the conference, I went home and told my husband, Barrington, that I would no longer cook for him and that he would have to do it himself.
After the first day, I saw nothing. The second day, I saw nothing, but on the third day, I saw that he had cooked a wonderful roast lamb."

(The crowd cheered).

The second speaker from Russia, stood up and said, "After last year's conference, I went home and told my husband, Ivan, that I would no longer do his laundry and that he would have to do it himself. The first day, I saw nothing. After the second day, I saw nothing,
but on the third day, I saw that he had done not only his own washing, but mine as well.

(The crowd more...

Q. What is the difference between a woman and a washing machine?
A. You can bung your load in a washing machine and it won't call you a week later.

A newly married couple returned to their house after being on honeymoon.' Care to go upstairs and have a shag?' the husband asks. `Sshhh' said the bride. `All the neighbors will know what we're about to do. These walls are paper-thin. In the future, we'll have to ask each other in code. For example, how about asking, "Have you left the washing machine door open" instead?' So the following night, the husband asks, `I don't suppose you left the washing machine door open did you?'' No, I definitely shut it,' replied the wife who rolled over and went to sleep. When she woke up, however, she was feeling a little randy herself and she nudged her husband and said, `I think I did leave the washing machine door open after all. Would you like to do some washing?'' No thanks,' said the husband,' it was only a small load and I've done it by hand.'

A young boy, about seven years old, was at the corner grocery picking out a box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over and trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do.
“No laundry” the boy said, “I’m going to wash my dog. ”
“But you shouldn’t use this to wash your dog. It’s very powerful and if you wash your dog in this, he’ll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him. ”
But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to talk him out of washing his dog.
About a week later the boy was back in the store to buy some candy. The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing.
“Oh, he died, ” the boy said.
The grocer, trying not to be an I-told-you-so, said he was sorry the dog died but added, “I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your dog. ”
The boy replied, “I don’t think it was the detergent that killed him. more...

What's the difference between a washing machine and a violist? Vibrato.

* At a Used Car Lot: Second Hand cars in first crash condition. * On the door of a Computer Store: Out for a quick byte. * In a Laundromat: Automatic washing machines. Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out. * In a department store: Bargain Basement Upstairs. * In an office: Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday kindly bring it back or further steps will be taken. * In an office: After the tea break, staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board. * On a church door: This is the gate of Heaven. Enter ye all by this door. (This door is kept locked because of the draft. Please use side entrance) * Outside a second-hand store: We exchange anything - bicycles, washing machines etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain.

1. Because baby eats. Eating is a messy job for a baby. If you wrap a baby in a towel sized bib...baby will find the tiny gap of space left around the neck and dump food in.
2. Because baby sleeps. Sleeping is an unplanned job for baby. If you don't have a clean dry diaper on baby when baby decides to doze...or even if you do...baby will figure out a way to sleep and still whiz on everything.
3. Because baby drools. Baby may look clean to the unexpecting admirer... but beware of picking up the little water fountain unless your clothing has flood insurance.
4. Because baby moves. If your house is spotless...baby will find spot.
5. Because baby has Grandma. Grandma thinks the little suit with ears and a tail is SOOOOOO CUTE!!! Not to mention the Santa suit, pumpkin suit, turkey suit, bunny suit, or cowboy suit.
6. Because baby grows. Size 1 today...size 3 on Wednesday...
7. Because baby things disappear. Even washing machines enjoy a light lunch once in a more...