Washing Jokes / Recent Jokes

The housewife answered the phone and listened with relief to the voice in her ear. "How are you, dear? What kind of day are you having?" "Oh, mom, the baby won't eat, the washing machine is broke, I've not been able to get out of the house to shop, I twisted my ankle and have been hobbling around. On top of that, the house is a mess and we're supposed to have two couples over for dinner tonight." "Now dear, just stay calm. Sit down, relax, close your eyes, and I'll be over in 1/2 hour. I'll do the shopping, clean up the house, and cook your dinner for you. I'll take care of the baby when I get there and call a repairman I know who'll get the washing machine fixed. In fact, I'll call George at the office and tell him he ought to come home and help out for once." "George? Who's George?" "Why, that's your husband, dear." "Mom, I don't have a husband." "Is this 234-5678?" "Uh, no, it's not. I think you have a wrong more...

Just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary with not much to celebrate. When it came time to re-enact our wedding night, he locked himself in the bathroom and cried.

Day 2: Today, he says he has a big secret to tell me. He’s impotent, he says, and he wants me to be the first to know. Why doesn’t he tell me something I don’t know! I mean, he actually thinks I haven’t noticed.

Day 3: This marriage is in trouble. A woman has needs. Yesterday, I saw a picture of the Washington Monument and burst into tears.

Day 4: A miracle has happened! There’s a new drug on the market that will fix his ‘problem. ’ It’s called Viagra I told him that if he takes Viagra, things will be just like they were on our wedding night. I think this will work. I replaced his Prozac with the Viagra, hoping to lift something other than his mood.

Day 5: What absolute bliss!!.

Day 6: Isn’t life wonderful but it’s difficult to write while he’s more...

A newly married couple returned to their apartment after being on
honeymoon."Care to go upstairs and do it?" the husband asked. "Sh!" said the bride "All the neighbors will know what we're about to do. These walls are paper thin. In the future, we'll have to ask each other in code. For
example, how about asking,' Have you left the washing machine door open'
instead?"
So, the following night, the husband asks, "I don't suppose you left the washing machine door open, did you?" "No, I definitely shut it," replied
the wife who rolled over and fell asleep. When she woke up however, she was
feeling a little frisky herself and she nudged her husband and said, "I
think I did leave the washing machine door open after all. Would you like
to do some washing?" "No, thanks," said the husband. "It was only a small
load so I did it by hand."

A newlywed couple returned to their apartment after being on their honeymoon.

"Care to go upstairs and do it?" the husband asked.

"Shh!" said the bride "All the neighbors will know what we're about to do. These walls are paper thin. In the future, we'll have to ask each other in code. For example, how about asking,' Have you left the washing machine door open' instead?"

So, the following night, the husband asks, "I don't suppose you left the washing machine door open, did you?"

"No, I definitely shut it," replied the wife who rolled over and fell asleep.

When she woke up however, she was feeling a little frisky herself and she nudged her husband and said, "I think I did leave the washing machine door open after all. Would you like to do some washing?"

"No, thanks," said the husband. "It was only a small load so I did it by hand."

Q: Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN? A: Because she didn't know which one came first! Q: How can you confuse a blonde? A: Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner. Q: How do blonde brain cells die? A: Alone. Q: What did the blondes right leg say to her left leg? A: Nothing, they never met.Q: Why did God create blondes? A: Because sheep can't fetch a beer from the fridge. Q: Why did God create brunettes? A: Because the blondes couldn't manage it either. Q: What do you call a smart blonde? A: A Golden retriever! Q: What do you get when you ask a blonde, a penny for your thoughts? A: Change! Q: Why do blondes take the pill? A: So they know which day of the week it is. Q: Why is a washing machine better than a blonde? A: Because you can drop your load in a washing machine, and it won't follow you around for a week! Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain? A: Gifted. Q: Why did eighteen blondes go to the movies together? A: They heard that under more...

121. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a limousine?
A: Not everybody has been in a limo.


122. Q: What's the difference between a blonde track team and a tribe of sly pygmies?
A: One's a bunch a cunning runts. ..

123 Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush?
A: You don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.


124. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and your job?
A: Your job still sucks after 6 months.


125. Q: What's the difference between a blond having her period and a terrorist?
A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.


126. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a shopping trolley?
A: The shopping trolley has a mind of its own!


127. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and the Suez Canal?
A: One's a busy ditch.


128. Q: What is the difference between a blond and a toilet?
A: A more...

What is the similarity between a woman and a washing machine? They both leak when they're fucked!