Washington Jokes / Recent Jokes

A hundred prostitutes in Washington D. C. were asked if they would ever sleep with President Clinton.
60% said, "Never again!"

As you may already know, THE DARWIN AWARDS are bestowed every year upon(the remains of) that individual, who through single-minded self-sacrifice, has done the most to remove undesirable elements from the human genepool. And now, for this year's illustrious winner(s):.. drum roll... JohnPernicky and friend Sal Hawkins, of the great state of Washington, decided to attend a local Metallica concert at the Amphitheater at Gorge, Washington. Having no tickets (but 18 beers among them) they sat in theparking lot, and after finishing the beer, decided that it would be easyenough to hop over the nine-foot high fence and sneak into the show. The two friends pulled their pickup truck over to the fence and the planwas for John--100 pounds heavier than Sal-to hop over, and then assist hisfriend over the fence. Unfortunately for John, there was a 30 foot drop onthe other side of the fence. Having heaved himself over, he found himselfcrashing through a tree. His fall was abruptly halted by a large more...

The AP reported that actor Isaiah Washington apologized for using the word "f*ggot," since it's not okay in any context. Unless you're writing an article for the AP.

A game warden came upon a duck hunter who had bagged 3
ducks and decided to "enforce the laws pending."
He stopped the hunter, flashed his badge and said,
"Looks like you've had a pretty good day.
Mind if I inspect your kill?" The hunter shrugged and
handed the ducks to the warden. The warden took one of
the ducks, inserted his finger into the duck's rectum,
pulled it out, sniffed it, and said, "This here's a Was
hington state duck. Do you have a Washington state hunting license?"
The hunter pulled out his wallet and calmly showed the
warden a Washington state hunting license. The warden took a
second duck, inserted his finger in the bird's rectum,
pulled it out, sniffed it, and said, "This here's an
Idaho duck. Do you have an Idaho state hunting license?"
The hunter, a bit put out, produced an Idaho state hunting
license.
The warden took a third duck, conducted the more...

"The contagious people of Washington have stood firm against diversity during this long period of incrementweather."

"I promise you a police car on every sidewalk."

"If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very very low crime rate."

"First, it was not a strip bar, it was an erotic club. And second, what can I say? I'm a night owl."

"Bitch set me up."

"I am clearly more popular than Reagan. I am in my third term. Where's Reagan? Gone after two! Defeated by George Bush and Michael Dukakis no less."

"The laws in this city are clearly racist. All laws are racist. The law of gravity is racist."

"I am making this trip to Africa because Washington is an international city, just like Tokyo, Nigeria or Israel. As mayor, I am an international symbol. Can you deny that to Africa?"

"People have criticized me more...

George W. Bush is seen crossing the Potomac river on foot.

The Washington Post: "President Bush crosses the Potomac River".

The Washington Time: "Bush's conservative approach saves taxpayers a boat".

Mother Jones: "Bush can't swim".

Real bathroom graffiti found all over the place. Wheefun. The best way to a man's heart is to saw his breast plate open.
Women's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL Don't trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die.
Men's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL Beauty is only a light switch away.
Perkins Library. Duke University. Durham, North Carolina. I've decided that to raise my grades I must lower my standards.
Houghton Library, Harvard University. Cambridge, Massachusetts. Remember, it's not, "How high are you?" it's "Hi, how are you?"
Rest stop off Route 81. West Virginia. No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her crap.
Unknown origin. To do is to be. -Descartes
To be is to do. -Voltaire
Do be do be do. -Frank Sinatra
Men's restroom, Greasewood Flats. Scottsdale, Arizona. At the feast of ego, everyone leaves hungry.
Bentley's House of Coffee and Tea, Tucson, Arizona. It's more...