Ways Jokes / Recent Jokes
The Most Complete List Of Ways To Annoy People, Cops, Your Roommate, And More.
Annoy People
1. Pay tolls with $100 bills
2. Leave your supermarket cart on the street or in the middle of the parking lot
3. Eat produce at the market; don't buy it
4. When giving directions, leave out a turn or two
5. Leave the outdoor Christmas decorations up until March or April
6. Before exiting the elevator, push all the buttons
7. Knock and ask "How is it going?" to someone constipated in a public bathroom stall.
8. Develop at least three strategies for cutting into the front of lines
9. Announce when you're going to the bathroom
10. Chew other people's pencils
11. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
12. Wear large hats during the movies
13. Touch strangers
14. Tell little children the truth about Santa more...
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
2. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are special days, but not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
3. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
4. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, and golf shots.
5. Sunday=Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
6. Shopping is NOT a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that way. It will never make an Olympic event (although we could be wrong on that, the way they instituted women's hockey & wrestling)
7. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
8. Crying is blackmail.
9. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it!
10. more...
Americans have different ways of saying things. They say "elevator", we say "lift"... they say "President", we say "stupid psychopathic git".
Although the show is retired, we'd still like to kill that little alien in the mess hall... Here are some ways the writers could have done it.
1. After slugging down six Shirley Temple's in the Messhall, Neelix stumbles to the holodeck, which he commands to "take me to hell." His broken body is later found on the empty holodeck in a pool of vomit.
2. Neelix gets gang-banged by a group of female Kazons.
3. Chakotay gets carried away executing an order from Janeway to "knock the annoying snot around a bit."
4. Tuvok catches him jacking off. Uncomprehending, he requires a detailed explanation from Neelix, who dies of embarrassment.
5. Extensive lab analysis of a green slime found on one of the control panels uncovers the fact that our favorite cook has, once again, been picking his nose. He is summarily fired and commits suicide.
6. Neelix gets gang-banged by a group of male Kazons.
7. On an more...
Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:
1. From a Southwest Airlines employee: "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane."
2. Pilot: "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land. It's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern."
3. After landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
4. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. Whoa!"
5. After a more...
3 ways to have fun with men:
1. tell him that this girl he likes wants a kiss
2. take out the batteries on the remote and then tell him that a Football game is on
3. wait till the first two are complete, then innocently tell him that you thought he knew better.