Ways Jokes / Recent Jokes

Most Romantic/Passionate/Sweet Things
To Do For Your Girlfriend/Boyfriend
(101 steps to having a good relationship)
Watch the sunset together.
Take showers together.
Back rubs/massages.
Listen to classical music and cuddle in the dark or w/ blacklight.
French Kiss.
Hold her w/ hands inside the back of her shirt.
Whisper to each other.
Cook for each other.
Skinny dip.
Make out in the rain.
Dress each other.
Undress each other.
Kiss every part of their body.
Hold hands.
Sleep together. (Actually sleep with each other: not sex)
One word: Foreplay
Sit and talk in just underwear.
Buy gifts for each other.
Roses.
Find out their favorite cologne/perfume and wear it every time you're together.
Wear his clothes.
Find a nice secluded place to lie and watch the stars.
Incense/candles/oils/blacklights and music make for great cuddling/sex.
Kiss at every chance you get.
Don't wear underwear more...

The Rules - Finally from a Male point of view!
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now
here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! And please
note. .. these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl.
If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear
us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not considered by us to be
opportunities to see if we can find the perfect present. . . . . . again!
1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.
1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than
short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that
married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.
1. Ask for more...

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male
side. if you have already read some of these before it wont hurt to read them again.
Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up,
you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.
Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect
present yet again!
Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of
the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and
by then you're stuck with her.
Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
Crying is blackmail.
Ask for what you want. Let us be clear more...

Rules that guys wished girls knew..........
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down.
3. Don't cut your hair. Ever.
4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see
if he can find the perfect present, again!
5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an
answer you don't want to hear.
6. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.
7. Don't ask him what he's thinking about unless you are prepared
to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and
monster trucks.
8. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like
every other cat.
9. Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period.
10. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the
tides. Let it be.
11. Shopping is not sport.
12. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
13. You have enough more...

Top Ten Ways to Tell Someone Their Fly is Unzipped...
1. The cucumber has left the salad.
2. Someone tore down the wall, and your Pink Floyd is hanging out.
3. Your soldier ain't so unknown now.
4. Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bells.
5. Elvis Junior has LEFT the building!
6. Mini Me is making a break for the escape pod.
7. You've got your fly set for "Monica" instead of "Hillary".
8. You've got a security breach at Los Pantalones.
9. I'm talking about Shaft, can you dig it?
10. Men are From Mars, women can see Your Penis

For a list of all the ways technology has failed to improve the quality of life, please press 3.

One of the quickest ways for a young man to fail in life is to work so hard the boss will think he's after his job.