"Star Trek Voyager: 10 ways to off Nelix" joke

Although the show is retired, we'd still like to kill that little alien in the mess hall... Here are some ways the writers could have done it.

1. After slugging down six Shirley Temple's in the Messhall, Neelix stumbles to the holodeck, which he commands to "take me to hell." His broken body is later found on the empty holodeck in a pool of vomit.

2. Neelix gets gang-banged by a group of female Kazons.

3. Chakotay gets carried away executing an order from Janeway to "knock the annoying snot around a bit."

4. Tuvok catches him jacking off. Uncomprehending, he requires a detailed explanation from Neelix, who dies of embarrassment.

5. Extensive lab analysis of a green slime found on one of the control panels uncovers the fact that our favorite cook has, once again, been picking his nose. He is summarily fired and commits suicide.

6. Neelix gets gang-banged by a group of male Kazons.

7. On an earlier episode, Neelix almost killes himself, now he finishes what he started.

8. In a rare episode, Tuvok attempts a Vulcan mind-meld with Neelix.. ..Neelix's head explodes. Tuvok barely survives, spending the next several days scratching himself and whining.

9. Harry notices a Romulan ship on the scanners, and sends Neelix down to clean out the photon tubes....Later, someone makes a comment about the needs of the many having outweighed the needs of the few.

10. Neelix gets involved in a deviant sexual practice known as "tribble stuffing," not realizing that tribbles multiply anywhere. Even an emergency laser enema by The Doctor fails to save him.