Science Fiction Jokes

#1 Once you have their money... never give it back.
#3 Never pay more for an acquisition than you have to.
#6 Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity.
#7 Keep your ears open.
#8 Small print leads to large risk.
#9 Opportunity plus instinct equals profit.
#10 Greed is eternal.
#13 Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.
#16 A deal is a deal... until a better one comes along.
#18 A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all.
#19 Satisfaction is not guaranteed.
#21 Never place friendship above profit.
#22 A wise man can hear profit in the wind.
#27 There's nothing more dangerous than an honest business man.
#31 Never make fun of a Ferengi's mother... insult something he cares about instead.
#33 It never hurts to suck up to the boss.
#34 Peace is good for business.
#35 War is good for business.
#40 She can touch your lobes but never your latinum.
#41 Profit is it's own more...

You Might be a Redneck Jedi if...

Your Jedi robe is a camouflage color.

You have ever used your lightsaber to open a bottle of Jack Daniel's.

You think the best use of your lightsaber is picking your teeth.

At least one wing of your X-Wing is Bondo colored.

There is a blaster rack in the back of your landspeeder.

You have bantha horns on the front of your landspeeder.

You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok without using the word' chicken'.

You can find no grammatical errors in the way Yoda talks.

You think that Stormtroopers are just KKK members with really good sheets.

A peaceful meditation session is one without gas.

You can levitate yourself using a force from within, but not THE force.

Your master ever said,' My finger you will pull..hmmm?'

You have ever had an X-wing up on blocks in your yard.

You ever lost a hand during a more...

1> "Hey, guys, how' bout we finish this conversation over a beer at the topless bar?"

2> "Jim Beam me up, Scotty."

3> "Dammit, Jim -- I'm a has-been actor, not an autograph-signer!"

4> "To Wong Fu, thanks for everything, Patrick Stewart."

5> "If you think the brie's good, you should try the salmon pate."

6> "Oooh, Girlfriend -- Just look at all these hunks! Set your phaser for' Love!'"

7> "You're nuts. Swimming is by far the hardest part of any Iron Man Triatholan."

8> "Look! It's Eddie Murphy!"

9> "I got laid last night!"

10> "Kirk, Picard... what's the difference, they're both losers. I'll take Will Robinson and Dr. Smith any day."

11> "I dunno, sometimes I wonder if the show was really deserving of all this attention."

12> "It's pointless to compare more...

What if Physicists wrote product disclaimers instead of lawyers?
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WARNING: This product warps space and time in its vicinity.

WARNING: This product attracts every other piece of matter in the universe, including the products of other manufacturers, with a force proportional to the product of the masses and inversely proportional to the distance between them.

CAUTION: The mass of this product contains the energy equivalent of 85 million tons of TNT per net ounce of weight.

HANDLE WITH EXTREME CARE: This product contains minute electrically charged particles moving at velocities in excess of five hundred million miles per hour.

CONSUMER NOTICE: Because of the "uncertainty principle," it is impossible for the consumer to find out at the same time both precisely where this product is and how fast it is moving.

ADVISORY: There is an extremely small but non-zero chance that, through a process more...

One day Luke gets fed up with life as a farmer so he goes to see Old Ben the local magician.

Luke: Ben I'm really fed up being a farmer can you turn me into something else?

Ben: Like what?

Luke: Well I guess it would be cool to be a Dewback.

Ben: Ok but only if you're sure.

Luke: I'm sure all right but let me go off and have one last drink as a human.

Luke goes off to have his drink.

Owen and Beru are getting worried so they go and see Old Ben to see if he knows where Luke is.

Owen: Hey Ben have you seen Luke today?

Ben: Yes. he's gone for a drink but he won't be Dewback until later.