Science Fiction Jokes / Recent Jokes
10. Stormtroopers are the Empire's first line of defense.
9. All ships and installations are built around a "main reactor."
8. Exhaust ports are big enough for proton torpedoes and always lead to the "main reactor."
7. TIE Fighters have no shields.
6. The Emperor's best troops were defeated by rock and stick wielding teddy bears.
5. Officers over the rank of Lieutenant have a life expectancy of two weeks.
4. Everything proceeds as the Emperor has foreseen.
3. Stormtroopers are picked for their intelligence and common sense.
2. The Emperor allows the alliance to know the location of the shield generator.
1. Bounty Hunters, We don't need their scum!
One day Luke gets fed up with life as a farmer so he goes to see Old Ben the local magician.
Luke: Ben I'm really fed up being a farmer can you turn me into something else?
Ben: Like what?
Luke: Well I guess it would be cool to be a Dewback.
Ben: Ok but only if you're sure.
Luke: I'm sure all right but let me go off and have one last drink as a human.
Luke goes off to have his drink.
Owen and Beru are getting worried so they go and see Old Ben to see if he knows where Luke is.
Owen: Hey Ben have you seen Luke today?
Ben: Yes. he's gone for a drink but he won't be Dewback until later.
I am Clinton of Borg. You will not really be assimilated, exactly...
I am Janet Reno of Borg. Resisters will be barbecued. Waco is irrelevant.
I am Stephanopolous of Borg. It's not assimilation, it's diversity...
I am Hillary of Borg. Prepare to be. .. uh, I don't recall.
I am Madonna of Borg. Resistance turns me on.
I am Kojak of Borg. Who loves to assimilate ya, baby.
I am Ginsu of Borg. You WILL be ASSIMILATED, but wait! That's not all!
I am Hamlet, of Borg! Prepare to be...or not to be...
I am Oprah of Borg. So, why did you assimilate your husband?
I am Lancelot of Borg. Resistance is feudal.
I am Haskell of Borg. You resist well, Mrs. Cleaver.
I am Lennon of Borg. Imagine there's no assimilation...
I am Baez of Borg. What if we gave an assimilation and nobody came?
I am Opie of Borg. Can I assimilate' em, Pa?
I am Quayle of Borg. Speling is irelevante.
I am Smorgas of Borg. You will be marinated.
I am more...
In a cut sequence from the Return of the Jedi, Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader are fighting a duel to the death when suddenly Darth says to Luke:
"Not only am I your Father, but I also know what you're getting for Christmas!"
Taken aback by the change of subject and suspecting a trap, Luke replies cautiously:
"How could you possibly know what I'm getting for Christmas?"
Darth Vader.... "Because I've felt your presents...."
Your shuttlecraft has been up on blocks for over a month.
He paints flames and a NRA sticker on the warp nacelles.
You have a shuttle called "Billy Joe Bob".
He refers to Klingons as "Critters".
He refers to Photon Torpedoes as "Popguns".
He has the sensor array repaired with a bent coathanger and aluminum foil.
He installs a set of bullhorns on the front of the saucer section.
He says "Got your ears on, good buddy" instead of "open hailing frequencies".
He hangs fuzzy dice over the viewscreen.
He rewires his communicator into his belt buckle.
He keeps a six-pack under his command chair and a gun rack above it.
He says "Yee-Ha!" instead of "Engage".
He has a hand-tooled holster for his phaser.
He insists on calling his executive officer "Bubba".
He sets more...
Although the show is retired, we'd still like to kill that little alien in the mess hall... Here are some ways the writers could have done it.
1. After slugging down six Shirley Temple's in the Messhall, Neelix stumbles to the holodeck, which he commands to "take me to hell." His broken body is later found on the empty holodeck in a pool of vomit.
2. Neelix gets gang-banged by a group of female Kazons.
3. Chakotay gets carried away executing an order from Janeway to "knock the annoying snot around a bit."
4. Tuvok catches him jacking off. Uncomprehending, he requires a detailed explanation from Neelix, who dies of embarrassment.
5. Extensive lab analysis of a green slime found on one of the control panels uncovers the fact that our favorite cook has, once again, been picking his nose. He is summarily fired and commits suicide.
6. Neelix gets gang-banged by a group of male Kazons.
7. On an more...
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Picard: There are four lights!
Riker: I don't know why, but I know how: with pleasure, sir.
Troi: I feel the chicken's pain!
Data: The chicken, in observing that it was on the opposite side of the 20th century Terran paved roadway, was aware that its immediate goal should have been to traverse the distance without interception by an kind of combustion- propelled personal transport vehicle, but I am unclear as to why any kind of domesticated fowl should desire to perambulate upon a conveyance normally reserved for the usage of...yes, sir.
Geordi: Well, wherever it's going, I'm sure it'll have more luck with women than I do.
Worf: KLINGON chickens do NOT cross roads.
Dr. Crusher: If there's nothing wrong with the chicken, there must be something wrong with the universe.
Tasha: That depends...was it fully functional?
Wesley: I'm not sure, but I can figure more...