Science Fiction Jokes / Recent Jokes
#1 Once you have their money... never give it back.
#3 Never pay more for an acquisition than you have to.
#6 Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity.
#7 Keep your ears open.
#8 Small print leads to large risk.
#9 Opportunity plus instinct equals profit.
#10 Greed is eternal.
#13 Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.
#16 A deal is a deal... until a better one comes along.
#18 A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all.
#19 Satisfaction is not guaranteed.
#21 Never place friendship above profit.
#22 A wise man can hear profit in the wind.
#27 There's nothing more dangerous than an honest business man.
#31 Never make fun of a Ferengi's mother... insult something he cares about instead.
#33 It never hurts to suck up to the boss.
#34 Peace is good for business.
#35 War is good for business.
#40 She can touch your lobes but never your latinum.
#41 Profit is it's own more...
The New York Times, among other papers, recently published a new Hubble photograph of distant galaxies colliding.
Of course, astronomers have had pictures of colliding galaxies for quite some time now, but with the vastly improved resolution provided by the Hubble Space Telescope, you can actually see lawyers rushing to the scene...
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Mars Polar Lander
Mars Polar Lander who?
...
MEAT -- Terry Bisson
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Imagine if you will... the leader of the fifth invader force speaking to the commander in chief...
' They're made out of meat!'
'Meat?'
'Meat. They're made out of meat.'
'Meat?'
'There's no doubt about it. We picked several from different parts of the planet, took them aboard our recon vessels, probed them all the way through. They're completely meat.'
'That's impossible. What about the radio signals? The messages to the stars.'
'They use the radio waves to talk, but the signals don't come from them. The signals come from machines.'
'So who made the machines? That's who we want to contact.'
'They made the machines. That's what I'm trying to tell you. Meat made the machines.'
'That's ridiculous. How can meat make a machine? You're asking me to believe in sentient more...
Editor's Note: If you find these funny, heed the advice of William Shattner, "Get a life!"
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Q. How many Borg does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. All of them
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Q. How many Cardassians does it take to change a light blub?
A. Three, because there are four lights!
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Q: How many Cardassians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 4. One to change the light bulb, and one to shoot him and take the credit, two more for disposing the body out an airlock, and 100 credits each to hire them.
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Ed: (Dang, I got the first Cardassian one... shoot me now...)