"The Ferengi Rules Of Acquisition (incomplete)" joke
#1 Once you have their money... never give it back.
#3 Never pay more for an acquisition than you have to.
#6 Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity.
#7 Keep your ears open.
#8 Small print leads to large risk.
#9 Opportunity plus instinct equals profit.
#10 Greed is eternal.
#13 Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.
#16 A deal is a deal... until a better one comes along.
#18 A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all.
#19 Satisfaction is not guaranteed.
#21 Never place friendship above profit.
#22 A wise man can hear profit in the wind.
#27 There's nothing more dangerous than an honest business man.
#31 Never make fun of a Ferengi's mother... insult something he cares about instead.
#33 It never hurts to suck up to the boss.
#34 Peace is good for business.
#35 War is good for business.
#40 She can touch your lobes but never your latinum.
#41 Profit is it's own reward.
#44 Never confuse luck with wisdom.
#47 Don't trust a man wearing a better suit than your own.
#48 The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife.
#52 Never ask when you can take.
#57 Good customers are as rare as latinum - treasure them.
#58 There is no substitute for success.
#59 Free advice is seldom cheap.
#60 Keep your lies consistent.
#62 The riskier the road, the greater the profit.
#65 Win or lose, there's always Huyperian beetle snuff.
#75 Home is where the heart is... but the stars are made of latinum.
#76 Every once in a while, declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your enemies.
#79 Beware of the Vulcan greed for knowledge.
#82 The flimsier the product, the higher the price.
#85 Never let the competition know what your thinking.
#89 Ask not what your profits can do for you, but what you can do for your profits.
#94 Females and finances don't mix.
#97 Enough... is never enough.
#99 Trust is the biggest liability of all.
#102 Nature decays, but latinum lasts forever.
#104 Faith moves mountains... of inventory.
#106 There is no honor in poverty.
#109 Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack.
#111 Treat people in your debt like family... exploit them.
#112 Never have sex with the bosses sister.
#113 Always have sex with the boss.
#117 You can't free a fish from water.
#121 Everything is for sale, even friendship.
#123 Even a blind man can recognize the glow of latinum.
#139 Wives serve, brothers inherit.
#141 Only fools pay retail.
#144 There's nothing wrong with charity... as long as it winds up in your pocket.
#162 Even in the worst of times someone turns a profit.
#177 Know your enemies... but do business with them always.
#181 Not even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit.
#189 Let others keep their reputation. You keep their money.
#190 Hear all, believe nothing.
#192 Never cheat a Klingon... unless your sure you can get away with it.
#194 It's always good business to know about new customers before they walk in the door.
#202 The justification for profit is profit.
#203 New customers are like razor-toothed Gree worms, they may be succulent, but sometimes they bite.
#214 Never begin a negotiation on an empty stomach.
#218 Always know what your buying.
#223 Beware the man who doesn't make time for oo-mox.
#229 Latinum lasts longer than lust.
#236 You can't buy fate.
#242 More is good... all is better.
#255 A wife is a luxury... a smart accountant a necessity.
#261 A wealthy man can afford anything except a conscience.
#266 When in doubt, lie.
#284 Deep down everyone's a Ferengi.
#285 No good deed goes unpunished.