Episode Jokes

IF DR SEUSS WROTE AN EPISODE OF ER - -
Kerry: Now Mark, I think this ER's great,
But... there are problems that can't wait!
Now Benton's fine, and Carter too,
But Ross and Susan just won't do!
Now who do you think that we should hire,
Since both of them today I'll fire?
Mark: Kerry, maybe we should wait and see...
Kerry: That's great Mark! I knew you would agree...
Jerry: Dr. Weaver? Sorry to interrupt...
But the paramedics just pulled up.
Mark: Ok, I'm here. What have you got?
Shep: This little boy has just been shot!
His pulse is faint, his breath is weak.
We did all we could to stop the leak.
Riley: And this woman here, she has a broken hip...
Carol: How did she fall? How did she trip?
Shep: The kid's mom was getting in my hair,
So I shoved her-lightly-down some stairs.
Mark: Benton, Kerry! Take the mom to three!
Doug and Susan! Come with me!
Riley: But wait, but wait! Oh don't you see?
We've more...

Top 10 Ways To Shut Up A Non-Trek Girlfriend Without Killing Her10. Tell her "Your ears canna stan the strain!" 9. Vulcan Neck Pinch. 8. Have an Android made of her then when she starts speaking tell her to "Shut Up!" (See, "I, Mudd" - TOS episode). 7. Wave Phaser in her face and tell her you will stun her with it. 6. Use transporter to split her into two separate personalities. Phaser Evil Girlfriend and keep Good Girlfriend. (See, "The Enemy Within" - TOS episode). 5. Tell her your watching the episode where Picard gets naked. 4. Ask if she wants to see the Picard Maneuver. 3. Try, "Computer - End Program." 2. Tell her she's in violation of the Prime Directive and she is interfering with a lesser developed civilization. 1. Borg her.

Prominent blacks have condemned as racist an episode of "Where My Dogs At?", an animated show on MTV2. The episode depicts Snoop Doggy Dogg walking into a pet store leading two black women on leashes. One of them then defecates on the floor. I don't get it. How is that racist? Were there watermelon seeds in it?

According to a TV Guide poll, Charlie Sheen is the highest paid actor on prime time televison--earning $825,000 per episode. This means LA call girls are now the highest paid prostitutes in the counrtry--earning over $1,000 per "episode."

Although the show is retired, we'd still like to kill that little alien in the mess hall... Here are some ways the writers could have done it.

1. After slugging down six Shirley Temple's in the Messhall, Neelix stumbles to the holodeck, which he commands to "take me to hell." His broken body is later found on the empty holodeck in a pool of vomit.

2. Neelix gets gang-banged by a group of female Kazons.

3. Chakotay gets carried away executing an order from Janeway to "knock the annoying snot around a bit."

4. Tuvok catches him jacking off. Uncomprehending, he requires a detailed explanation from Neelix, who dies of embarrassment.

5. Extensive lab analysis of a green slime found on one of the control panels uncovers the fact that our favorite cook has, once again, been picking his nose. He is summarily fired and commits suicide.

6. Neelix gets gang-banged by a group of male Kazons.

7. On an more...