Weapon Jokes / Recent Jokes
TROMBONE: A unique application, the instrument itself is not the real danger. The person playing the instrument is what is truly dangerous. The trombone and its player are the original "smart bomb." This weapon is most effective in high tech warfare areas. Insertion of one or more trombonists into a warfare computer center instantly lowers the aggregate I. Q. in the room. The trombonist's incredible stupidity is a lethal bio weapon that spreads at an incredible rate. Within 5 minutes of exposure, all computer operators within a 50-foot radius are reduced to drooling idiots incapable of the simplest motor functions and bowel control. Use of trombonists as weapons was outlawed by the Geneva Convention in 1999 after an ugly incident at a Dixieland convention in Sacramento.
It is not known with what weapon World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.
Flash - New Weapon in America’s Arsenal - Dubbed ‘The Chicken Gun’
Senate majority leader Howard H. Baker Jr., expressed astonishment to the Senate, over recent news accounts of an Air Force “chicken gun. ”
It seems the gun is a converted 20-foot cannon capable of hurling dead four-pound chickens at airplanes at 700 miles per hour … The armament is used to help find ways to reduce accidents caused by jets hitting birds.
“My first reaction to this story was one of bitterness, ” Baker told colleagues.
“I wonder why a ’special classified briefing’ had not been set up for members of Congress on the new chicken gun and I wondered if Secretary of Defense Casper Weinberger was planning one. ”
Baker also wondered aloud “how far along the Soviet Union is with the deployment of their ‘chicken gun’, and how will our Minuteman, Midgetman and Sparrow missles get along with this new weapon…”
Baker went on to wonder if the Navy might be more...
Being an Evil Overlord seems to be a good career choice. It pays well, there are all sorts of perks and you can set your own hours. However, every Evil Overlord I've read about in books or seen in movies invariably gets overthrown and destroyed in the end. I've noticed that no matter whether they are barbarian lords, deranged wizards, mad scientists or alien invaders, they always seem to make the same basic mistakes every single time. Therefore, if I ever happen to become an Evil Overlord...
1. My legions of terror will have helmets with clear Plexiglas visors, not face-concealing ones.
2. My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.
3. My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.
4. Shooting is not too good for my enemies.
5. The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of more...
Three criminals escaped from jail. Each one of them had a weapon. The first one had a knife, the second one had a gun, and the first one had a bomb. they all through their weapons in the air to celebrate their prison break. Unfortunately for these criminals, they were again caught.
The cop that found the three guys wet around town for a walk. He came upon a little boy with a Knife in his hand. The boy was crying.
When the cop asked him why he was crying, the boy replied, "A knife fell from the sky and stabbed my mommy!"
The cop comforted him, took him home, and continued his walk. Again the cop came across another little crying boy with a gun this time. The cop asked him why he was crying. The little boy replied, "This gun fell from the sky and I accidentally shot my mommy!"
The cop comforted him, took him home, and again continued his walk. Again the cop came across a little boy, but he was laughing and he had no weapon. The cop asked him why he more...
I want to be a kid again. I want to go back to the time when: Decisions were made by going "eeny-meeny-miney-mo." Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming, "do over!" "Race issue" meant arguing about who ran the fastest. Money issues were handled by whoever was the banker in Monopoly. Catching the fireflies could happily occupy an entire evening. It wasn't odd to have two or three "best" friends. Being old referred to anyone over 20. The net on a tennis court was the perfect height to play volleyball and rules didn't matter. The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was cooties. It was magic when dad would "remove" his thumb. It was unbelievable that dodgeball wasn't an Olympic event. Having a weapon in school meant being caught with a slingshot. Nobody was prettier than Mom. Scrapes and bruises were kissed and made better. It was a big deal to finally be tall enough to ride the "big people" rides at the more...