Web Jokes / Recent Jokes

I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my newspaper like I used to, before the Web.

I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing.

I will get dressed before noon.

I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes, and plan dinner before even thinking of the Web.

I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate few friends and family that are Web-deprived.

I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact via the Web.

I will read a book... if I still remember how.

I will listen to those around me and their needs and stop telling them to turn the TV down so I can hear the music on the Web.

I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check for email.

I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, if it is necessary or not.

I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to balance my checkbook because more...

The web isn't better than sex, but sliced bread is in serious trouble.

Now look at them yo-yos, that's the way you do it
You write the code that runs the WebTV
That ain't working, that's the way you do it
Get yer home page for nothin' and your hits for free.
Now that ain't workin', that's the way you do it
Lemme tell ya, them guys can code
Maybe get some backing' fore they even have a product
Maybe in a month they'll IPO.
We got to install Netscape Web Servers
Custom config delivery
We got to install all of these browsers
They got to all speak HTTP.
See that little doofus with the glasses and the cowlick?
Yeah buddy, that's his own code
That little doofus got a billion options
That little doofus he just IPO'd
We got to install Netscape Web Servers
Custom config delivery
We got to install all of this fiber
We gonna need a big ol' T3
I shoulda learned to code in Java
I shoulda learned some CGI
Look at that web page, they got it dancing right across more...

Sung To The Tune Of "Winter Wonderland." Doorbell rings, I'm not list'nin', From my mouth, drool is glist'nin', I'm happy -- although My boss let me go -- Happily addicted to the Web. All night long, I sit clicking, Unaware time is ticking, There's beard on my cheek, Same clothes for a week, Happily addicted to the Web. Friends come by; they shake me, Saying, "Yo, man! Don't you know tonight's the senior prom?" With a listless shrug, I mutter, "No, man; I just discovered letterman-dot-com!" I don't phone, don't send faxes, Don't go out, don't pay taxes, Who cares if someday They drag me away? I'm happily addicted to the Web!

Happily Addicted to the Web (Sung to the tune of "Winter Wonderland")

Doorbell rings, I'm not list'nin', From my mouth, drool is glist'nin', I'm happy--although My boss let me go-- Happily addicted to the Web.

All night long, I sit clicking, Unaware time is ticking, There's beard on my cheek, Same clothes for a week, Happily addicted to the Web.

Friends come by; they shake me, Saying, "Yo, man! Don't you know tonight's the senior prom?" With a listless shrug, I mutter, "No, man; I just discovered letterman-dot-com!"

I don't phone, don't send faxes, Don't go out, don't pay taxes, Who cares if someday They drag me away? I'm happily addicted to the Web!

10. It doesn't take minutes to build the picture when you change TV channels.

9. When was the last time you tuned in to "Melrose Place" and got a "Error 404" message?

8. There are fewer grating color schemes on TV--even on MTV.

7. The family never argues over which Web site to visit this evening.

6. A remote control has fewer buttons than a keyboard.

5. Even the worst TV shows never excuse themselves with an "Under Construction" sign.

4. Seinfeld never slows down when a lot of people tune in.

3. You just can't find those cool Health Rider infomercials on the Web.

2. Set-top boxes don't beep and whine when you hook up to HBO.

1. You can't surf the Web from a couch with a beer in one hand and Doritos in the other.

In Italy they have no Christmas trees, instead they decorate small
wooden pyramids with fruit.
In Caracas, the capital city of Venezuela, it is customary for the
streets to be blocked off on Christmas eve so that the people can
roller-skate to church.
An artificial spider and web are often included in the decorations
on Ukrainian Christmas trees. A spider web found on Christmas
morning is believed to bring good luck.
It is a British Christmas tradition that a wish made while mixing
the Christmas pudding will come true only if the ingredients are
stirred in a clockwise direction.
A traditional Christmas dinner in early England was the head of a
pig prepared with mustard.
Sending red Christmas cards to anyone in Japan constitutes bad
etiquette, since funeral notices there are customarily printed in
red.
In Norway on Christmas Eve, all the brooms in the house are
hidden because long ago it was believed more...