Web Jokes / Recent Jokes
READY-MADE RESOLUTIONS FOR INTERNETers - 1998
* Stop neglecting children; at least learn their names and birthdays
* Stop circulating the "Good Times Virus" and "Join the Crew" e-mail
* Read all of the mail from all of the lists I have subscribed to
* Limit my subscriptions of lists to a maximum of fifty
* Back-up 4 gig hard drive weekly; well, maybe at least monthly
* Not rush to any ftp site as soon as I hear of a new Beta
* Insist that all "ten best" lists be strictly limited to ten
* Not buy magazines with AOL disks just to get another 1. 44MB disk
* Answer Snail Mail with the same enthusiasm & promptness as e-mail
* Spend less than two hours a day on the Web; on new sites anyway
* Try the e-mail version of the Mrs. Fields cookie recipe
* Promise when I hear "Where do you want to go today?", I won't laugh
* Think of a password other than "password" to use on web more...
Weird Business NewsJIM BARLOW - Houston Chronicle (c) - Writes:
Really, no foolin', this stuff is weird.
Since this is April Fools' Day, what better time for yet another installment of Weird Business News?
Yep, time for another look at the sometimes wacky world of commerce. ABC Namebank, a New York City firm that helps businesses come up with suitably salable company names, took a look at popular nomenclature for firms on the World Wide Web.
The No. 1 Internet company name included the word "web." There were 8, 783 names such as Webtron, USWeb and Webtech. Next came "link" - 7, 901 examples such as Linknet and Worldlink.
Other popular key naming words include: first, 5, 384; net, 4, 426; data, 3, 335; view, 2, 815 and media, 1, 254.
So obviously my new Internet business will be named Firstview Datalink Mediaweb.
Our Worst Food Idea Award goes to Einstein Brothers Bagels, which for St. Patrick's Day sold green bagels at its 225 more...
Sung to the tune of "Winter Wonderland"Doorbell rings, I'm not list'nin', From my mouth, drool is glist'nin', I'm happy--althoughMy boss let me go--Happily addicted to the Web. All night long, I sit clicking, Unaware time is ticking, There's beard on my cheek, Same clothes for a week, Happily addicted to the Web. Friends come by; they shake me, Saying, "Yo, man! Don't you know tonight's the senior prom?" With a listless shrug, I mutter, "No, man; I just discovered letterman-dot-com!"I don't phone, don't send faxes, Don't go out, don't pay taxes, Who cares if somedayThey drag me away? I'm happily addicted to the Web!
In Italy they have no Christmas trees, instead they decorate small
wooden pyramids with fruit.
In Caracas, the capital city of Venezuela, it is customary for the
streets to be blocked off on Christmas eve so that the people can
roller-skate to church.
An artificial spider and web are often included in the decorations
on Ukrainian Christmas trees. A spider web found on Christmas
morning is believed to bring good luck.
It is a British Christmas tradition that a wish made while mixing
the Christmas pudding will come true only if the ingredients are
stirred in a clockwise direction.
A traditional Christmas dinner in early England was the head of a
pig prepared with mustard.
Sending red Christmas cards to anyone in Japan constitutes bad
etiquette, since funeral notices there are customarily printed in
red.
In Norway on Christmas Eve, all the brooms in the house are hidden more...
(Sung to the tune of "Winter Wonderland")Doorbell rings, I'm not list'nin', From my mouth, drool is glist'nin', I'm happy -- althoughMy boss let me go --Happily addicted to the Web. All night long, I sit clicking, Unaware time is ticking, There's beard on my cheek, Same clothes for a week, Happily addicted to the Web! Friends come by; they shake me, Saying, "Yo, man! Don't you know tonight's the senior prom?"With a listless shrug, I mutter "No, man; I just discovered laugh-a-lot-dot-com!"I don't phone, don't send faxes, Don't go out, don't pay taxes, Who cares if somedayThey drag me away? I'm happily addicted to the Web! Happ-ilyyyyy, ad-dict-eeeed to the Weeeeeb!!! (Yeah!)
12 Step Program of Recovery for Web Addicts: 1) I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my newspaper like I used to, before the Web. 2) I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing. 3) I will get dressed before noon. 4) I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes, and plan dinner before even thinking of the Web. 5) I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate few friends and family that are Web-deprived. 6) I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact via the Web. 7) I will read a book... if I still remember how. 8) I will listen to those around me and their needs and stop telling them to turn the TV down so I can hear the music on the Web. 9) I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check for email. 10) I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, if it is necessary or not. 11) I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to balance my checkbook because I was too busy on the Web. more...
Why did the spider buy a car?
So he could take it out for a spin!
What does a spider do when he gets angry?
He goes up the wall!
What would happen if tarantulas were as big as horses?
If one bit you, you could ride it to hospital!
Why are spider’s good swimmers?
They have webbed feet!
How do you spot a modern spider?
He doesn`t have a web he had a website!
What are spiders webs good for?
Spiders!
What kind of doctors are like spiders?
Spin doctors!
What do you get if you cross a spider and an elephant?
I`m not sure, but if you see one walking across the ceiling then run before it collapses!
What did the spider say to the fly?
We`re getting married do you want to come to the webbing?
What happened when the chef found a daddy long legs in the salad?
It became a daddy short legs! What is a spider’s favorite TV show?
The newly web more...