Web Jokes / Recent Jokes
10. It doesn`t take minutes to build the picture when you change TV channels.
9. When was the last time you tuned in to "Melrose Place" and got a "Error 404" message?
8. There are fewer grating color schemes on TV--even on MTV.
7. The family never argues over which Web site to visit this evening.
6. A remote control has fewer buttons than a keyboard.
5. Even the worst TV shows never excuse themselves with an "Under Construction" sign.
4. Seinfeld never slows down when a lot of people tune in.
3. You just can`t find those cool Health Rider infomercials on the Web.
2. Set-top boxes don`t beep and whine when you hook up to HBO.
1. You can`t surf the Web from a couch with a beer in one hand and Doritos in the other.
Happily Addicted to the Web (Sung to the tune of "Winter Wonderland")Doorbell rings, I'm not list'nin', From my mouth, drool is glist'nin', I'm happy--although My boss let me go-- Happily addicted to the Web. All night long, I sit clicking, Unaware time is ticking, There's beard on my cheek, Same clothes for a week, Happily addicted to the Web. Friends come by; they shake me, Saying, "Yo, man! Don't you know tonight's the senior prom?" With a listless shrug, I mutter, "No, man; I just discovered letterman-dot-com!"I don't phone, don't send faxes, Don't go out, don't pay taxes, Who cares if someday They drag me away? I'm happily addicted to the Web!
Happily Addicted to the Web (Sung to the tune of "Winter Wonderland")
Doorbell rings, I'm not list'nin', From my mouth, drool is glist'nin', I'm happy--although My boss let me go-- Happily addicted to the Web.
All night long, I sit clicking, Unaware time is ticking, There's beard on my cheek, Same clothes for a week, Happily addicted to the Web.
Friends come by; they shake me, Saying, "Yo, man! Don't you know tonight's the senior prom?" With a listless shrug, I mutter, "No, man; I just discovered letterman-dot-com!"
I don't phone, don't send faxes, Don't go out, don't pay taxes, Who cares if someday They drag me away? I'm happily addicted to the Web!
12 Step Program of Recovery for Web Addicts:
1) I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my newspaper like I used to, before the Web.
2) I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing.
3) I will get dressed before noon.
4) I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes, and plan dinner before even thinking of the Web.
5) I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate few friends and family that are Web-deprived.
6) I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact via the Web.
7) I will read a book... if I still remember how.
8) I will listen to those around me and their needs and stop telling them to turn the TV down so I can hear the music on the Web.
9) I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check for email.
10) I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, if it is necessary or not.
11) I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to more...
IT'S A WONDERFUL MACHINE
The Sweetest Christmas Movie Frank Capra Never Made
-- by David Pogue
I guess I shouldn't have gone to a party where the eggnog was spiked, and maybe I shouldn't have watched the movie It's a Wonderful Life while leafing through MacWeek. But anyway, I had the weirdest dream last night -- like a bizarre black-and-white movie that went like this: Jimmy Stewart stars as Steve' Jobs' Bailey, who runs a beleaguered but beloved small-town computer company. For years, big monopolist Bill' Gates' Potter has been wielding his power and money to gain control of the town. And for years, Steve has fought for survival:' This town needs my measly, one-horse computer, if only to have something for people to use instead of Windows!'
But now an angry mob is banging on Apple's front door, panicking.' The press says your company is doomed!' yells one man.' You killed the clones! We're going to Windows!' calls another.' We want out of our more...
10. It doesn't take minutes to build the picture when you change TV channels. 9. When was the last time you tuned in to "Melrose Place" and got a "Error 404" message? 8. There are fewer grating color schemes on TV--even on MTV. 7. The family never argues over which Web site to visit this evening. 6. A remote control has fewer buttons than a keyboard. 5. Even the worst TV shows never excuse themselves with an "Under Construction" sign. 4. Seinfeld never slows down when a lot of people tune in. 3. You just can't find those cool Health Rider infomercials on the Web. 2. Set-top boxes don't beep and whine when you hook up to HBO. 1. You can't surf the Web from a couch with a beer in one hand and Doritos in the other.