Web Jokes / Recent Jokes

Text on Web pages display as Morse Code and...
Graphics arrive via FedEx.

You believe a heavier string might improve your throughput

You post a message to your favorite Newsgroup and it displays a week later.

Your credit card expires while ordering on-line.
Playboy web site exhibits "Playmate of the year"... for 1989.

You're still in the middle of downloading that popular new game, "Ping Pong".

Everyone you talk to on the' net phone' sounds like Forrest Gump.
You receive e-mails with stamps on them.

You click the "Send" button, a little door opens on the side of your monitor and a pigeon flies out.

you know 56k means' reliable 33. 6' and 33. 6 means' reliable 28. 8' and so forth.

you know the win98 setup wizard by heart and can walk a user through it without even interrupting your Quake/MUD/IRC session to do so.

you know where the email settings are in Internet Mail, Outlook Express, Pegasus, Eudora, Netscape Mail, Messenger Mailbox, and you don't use any of those programs for personal use.

you maintain more than four websites and do not have time for a personal web page.

you know all of the following people by reputation and can explain what they've done that is relevant to your world: Steve Case, Linus Torvalds, Eric Allman, Sanford Wallace.

you know what TCP/IP stands for, not to mention DNS, HTTP, SNMP, BGP, OSPF, and DUN. You like acronyms.

you know more ip addresses than phone numbers. Sometimes you just find it easier to type the dotted quad.

you know more phone numbers to modem banks than you more...

How many Web jokers does it take to change a light bulb?

1, 623. One to tell the original joke, the rest to give some minor variation of it!

10. It doesn`t take minutes to build the picture when you change TV channels.

9. When was the last time you tuned in to "Melrose Place" and got a "Error 404" message?

8. There are fewer grating color schemes on TV--even on MTV.

7. The family never argues over which Web site to visit this evening.

6. A remote control has fewer buttons than a keyboard.

5. Even the worst TV shows never excuse themselves with an "Under Construction" sign.

4. Seinfeld never slows down when a lot of people tune in.

3. You just can`t find those cool Health Rider infomercials on the Web.

2. Set-top boxes don`t beep and whine when you hook up to HBO.

1. You can`t surf the Web from a couch with a beer in one hand and Doritos in the other.

Twas the "NET" before Christmas
When all through our house,
Not a creature was typing
nor moving a mouse.
Our Monitors hummed
and were glowing within,
In hopes that Saint Nicholas
would soon "Modem" in.
The teenagers were crashed
in their messy bedrooms,
and dreaming of boxes
With games such as Doom.
Mom back from aerobics
and done kissing me,
We just settled in for some
much needed ZZZ's.
When in the home office
there arose such a din,
I shot down the stairs,
Had the fax just come in??
Away to my keyboard
I leaped to my chair,
Typed in my password. ..
But no Fax was there!!
My screen came alive
it was wildly aglow,
The hard drive went crunching
The "One and the "O."
When what my bifocaled eyes
should I see,
But a Brand New Web Browser
not AT&T.
From server so rapid
(not one on the more...

Montreal Gazette's Top 50 Jokes from the 1999 Just For Laughs festival. -----------------------------------------------------------------1. (On going to war over religion:) You're basically killing each other to see who's got the better imaginary friend. 2. I used to smoke pot until I came to the conclusion... what was that conclusion, anyway? 3. (On the difference between men and women:) On the one hand, we'll never experience childbirth. On the other hand, we can open all our own jars. 4. Women like posh hotels; there's more for them to steal. Take them to a posh hotel and they all turn into the Artful Dodger. 5. And God said, "Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything onSatan." 6. What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? "Hold my purse." 7. The Web brings people together because no matter what kind of a twisted sexual mutant you happen to be, you're got millions more...

10. It doesn't take minutes to build the picture when you change TV channels.
9. When was the last time you tuned in to "Melrose Place" and got a "Error 404" message?
8. There are fewer grating color schemes on TV--even on MTV.
7. The family never argues over which Web site to visit this evening.
6. A remote control has fewer buttons than a keyboard.
5. Even the worst TV shows never excuse themselves with an "Under Construction" sign.
4. Seinfeld never slows down when a lot of people tune in.
3. You just can't find those cool Health Rider infomercials on the Web.
2. Set-top boxes don't beep and whine when you hook up to HBO.
1. You can't surf the Web from a couch with a beer in one hand and Doritos in the other.