Wednesday Jokes / Recent Jokes

Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died Wednesday of a severe yeast infection He was 71. He was buried Friday in one of the biggest funerals in years.

Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, and the Hostess Twinkies.

The graveside was piled high with flours, as longtime friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who "never knew he was kneaded".

Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a smart cookie, and wasted much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model to millions. Fresh is survived by his second wife. They had two children, and one in the oven....

Work..

 
I don't get anything done on Mondays because I'm so depressed about being back at work after a fun filled weekend.
And I never get any work done on Fridays because I'm so excited about planning another fun weekend.
So, my plan is to shorten the work week to just Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday since those are the only days when I get any work done.
Of course then I wouldn't get anything done on Tuesday or Thursday for the same reason I didn't work on Monday and Friday.
So we might as well shorten the work week to just one day, Wednesday.
Then Wednesday would be awful because it would be the only day I had to work.
So if I worked twice as hard on Wednesday, then I could take the next Wednesday off and have a thirteen day weekend.
The only trouble with that is that it would be hard to remember which Wednesday I was supposed to work and which Wednesday I could take off.
So let's just keep it simple. I might as well take more...

A woman goes to her doctor complaining that she is exhausted all the time. After the diagnostic tests showed nothing, the doctor gets around to asking her how often she has intercourse.
"Every Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday," she says.
The doctor advises her to cut out Wednesday.
"I can't," says the woman. "That's the only night I'm home with my husband!"

A woman goes to her doctor complaining that she is exhausted all the time. After the diagnostic tests showed nothing, the doctor gets around to asking her how often she has intercourse."Every Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday," she says.The doctor advises her to cut out Wednesday."I can't," says the woman. "That's the only night I'm home with my husband!"

Two mexicans walk into a drug store (walgreens) and they are passing by the condoms section and one asked the other what this 6 pack of condoms was for and he says,"thats for us Mexicans" one for monday, one for tuesday, one for wednesday, one for thursday, one for friday, one for saturday, and never on sunday. He does the sign of the cross.Then there walking along again and then he sees an 8 pack and he asks him what that was for and he says thats for the black people " one for monday, one for tuesday, one for wednesday, one for thursday, one for friday, one for saturday, and twice on sunday.Then they walk along again and one mexican sees a 12 and aked what that was for and the mexican says thats for the white people one for january, one for february, one for march...

Still, there are some things a big company can do that a small band of
programmers could never hope to accomplish. This was best shown to me
this week by reader Brian P. McLean, who points out that according to his
Microsoft Outlook 97 scheduling/datebook application, Thanksgiving falls
this year on Wednesday, November 26.
Thanksgiving has always fallen on Thursday before. Wednesday may be an
improvement. I don't know.
- Robert X. Cringely, from his "I, Cringely" column (November 7, 1997)

IN THE BEGINNING [author unknown]
(To justify God’s ways to the 21st century.)
In the beginning there was the computer. And God said
: Let there be light!
#Enter user id.
: God
#Enter password.
: Omniscient
#Password incorrect. Try again.
: Omnipotent
#Password incorrect. Try again.
: Technocrat
#And God logged on at 12: 01: 00 AM, Sunday, March 1.
: Let there be light!
#Unrecognizable command. Try again.
: Create light
#Done
: Run heaven and earth
#And God created Day and Night. And God saw there were 0 errors.
#And God logged off at 12: 02: 00 AM, Sunday, March 1.
#Approx. funds remaining: $92. 50.
#And God logged on at 12: 01: 00 AM, Monday, March 2.
: Let there be firmament in the midst of water and light
#Unrecognizable command. Try again.
: Create firmament
#Done.
: Run firmament
#And God divided the waters. And God saw there were 0 more...