Wee Jokes / Recent Jokes

In the back woods of Arkansas, Mr. Stewart's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery.
To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing." Soon, a wee baby boy was brought into the world.
"Whoa there Scotty!" said the doctor. "Don't be in a rush to put the lantern down... I think there's yet another wee one to come." Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered another little baby.
"No, no, don't be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern, young man... It seems there's yet another one besides!" cried the doctor.
The new father scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor. "Do ye think it's the light that's attractin' them?"

Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter comes and takes their drink order." I would like a Sprite," said the first little piggie." I would like a Coke," said the second little piggie." I want water, lots and lots of water," said the third little piggie. The drinks are brought out and the waiter takes their orders for dinner." I want a nice big steak," said the first piggie." I would like the salad plate," said the second piggie." I want water, lots and lots of water," said the third little piggie. The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert." I want a banana split," said the first piggie." I want a root beer float," said the second piggie." I want water, lots and lots of water," exclaimed the third little piggie." Pardon me for asking," said the waiter, "but why have you only ordered more...

Jock finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial problems. He's so desperate that he decides to ask God for help.
"God, please help me. Ah've lost ma wee store and if Ah dinna get some money, Ah'm going to lose my hoose too. Please let me win the lottery!"
Lottery night! Someone else wins...
Jock prays again. "God, please let me win the lottery! Ah've lost my wee store, ma hoose and Ah'm going to lose ma car as weel!"
Lottery night again! Still no luck...
Jock prays again. " Ah've lost ma business, ma hoose and ma car. Ma bairns are starving. Ah dinna often ask Ye for help and Ah have always been a good servant to Ye. PLEASE just let me win the lottery this one time so Ah can get back on ma feet!"
Suddenly there is a blinding flash as the heavens open and the voice of God Himself thunders: "Jock at least meet Me half way and buy a ticket!"

A Brit, an Irishman, and a Scot go out to a pub and order 3 pints. They each find a fly floating on the top of their mugs. The Brit says, " Bartender, can I have a spoon?" and quietly removes the fly from his brew. The Irishman says, " Get out of there!" and flicks the fly away with a finger. The Scot picks up the fly with his fingers and says, " Alright ya wee fucker. Spit it out! Now!"

Mrs. O'Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin when she met up with Father O'Rafferty.

"Top o' the mornin' to ye," said the Father, "Aren't you Mrs. O'Donovan? Didn't I marry ye and yer husband two years ago?"

She replied "Aye, that ye did, Father."

"And be there any wee ones yet?"

"No, not yet, Father," Mrs. O'Donovan said.

"Well, now, I'm going to Rome next week, and I'll light a candle for ye."

"Oh, thank ye, Father." They parted ways.

Some years later they met again.

"Well, now, Mrs. O'Donovan," the priest said. "How are ye these days?"

"Oh, very well," said she.

"And tell me," he said. "Have ye any wee ones yet?"

"Oh, yes, Father," Mrs. O'Donovan replied. "Three sets of twins and four singles -- 10 in more...